so the thunder starts

We didnt get much good news today. The cancer has spread. It has seedlings typical with my type of cancer in my retroperitoneum(pelvis) The tumors in my liver have also grown, depending on the way you look at it up to double the size they were just 6 weeks ago. There is another treatment called gemzar. It also is typically used for other cancers than mine, but we are going to give it a try. It will mean treatments each week for 3weeks and then one week of rest followed by 3 more weekly treatments and then a ct scan to see if it is helping. He did say that the more chemos you use, the less likely they are to work. This will be my 4th type of chemo.

You have to remember back in March when they did my surgery, they told us there was places they could not get, from my liver, my pelvis, and my bladder. We saw soon after the tumors on my liver reapear larger than ever. Even though the Drs believed there were more areas of cancer the scans always just showed tumors in the liver so this is a HUGE let down, as the docs now get the point on this one, so we are down0-1, and it really stinks when it's your life you are talking about. These seedling bastards of cancer could be causing all of my stomach problems also..

I am sad, sad that I can't seem to grow a rose in a garden but can sprout seedlings on my insides. bad seeds at that. I am sad that we have to so clearly focus on cancer and what it does. I am just depressed or worn out tonite, not sure which, maybe I am just numb,knowing the day would come, but not wanting it toever be here.

I pray I can make it thru the holidays. I don't want to leave a extra have to remember date in 2008. I have to rely on faith, hope and life to get me thru this. I don't wanna waste a second, there is so much I want to do, but feel too lousy to do any of it. Spending time with people is at the top of my to do list. That's what life is all about, spending time with friends and family. I have to find more waysto reduce my boredom. I get so bored here somedays. I pray for hope and light. Thank you all for hanging in with me, your powerful prayers continue to work, everything wll come in time, his time. I have to remember this often. Hug your kids and grandkids today, call them and tell them how much yyou love them, life is way too short to dwell on things that dont matter, find out what matters in your life.