Same stuff, different day

I can feel it getting old for everyone around me. I hope everyone knows how much I hate putting them thru this. There are no answers sometimes. Sometimes theres nothing new, just the same old, same old. I wish I had a better update, but was supposed to hear from gastro dr yesterday about getting a colonoscopy on friday, withholding part of chemo til next week, but no call, no news, so who knows if chicago will even happen at all. who knows anything anymore..............I woke up last night a few times from horrible pains from no poop, as I said sometimes it's literally same shit, different day. Eating hurts, digesting hurts, i suppose it's just cancer and cancer hurts. I hope this cancer is as lonely as I am, I hope this cancer disapears one day in the midst I hope I find me again one day, I don't like being like this anymore either...