Happy New year and round ?? done

I got the pump removed this afternoon so this round of chemo is done, I pray it is killing off the cancer. I have had the feel like I am pooping mode going off and on for the last couple of days. It really is a pain in the butt when you don't know if you have to go or if it's just the body doing it's normal thing. I have been sleeping alot, even to the point, I have laid down in the bathroom floor 3 times now, just to figure out what my body is doing, and fell asleep. I am sure it was great for Norm to get up in the morning and find me in the bathroom floor sleeping. he has been taking great care of me. I am just really tired and wore out so I am taking advantage of it and resting when I can.
I hope everyone has a wonderful 2009. I never thought I would see 2008 and look at me here I am gonna be seeing 2009. Lots happened in the last 365 days but all that really matters is I am here by the grace of God, I have loving caring people around me and hopefully 2009 will be full of good news tht my cancer is going away, I can wish for a miracle and that is the miracle I choose for me for 2009.
Happy New Year! Thank you all for your prayers throughout this whole journey with cancer. You all are very specil to me and I thank you for supporting me as I walk through this journey.
Tami

Chemo round ??

I don't even know what round this was, pretty bad huh? anyways i had chemo, just got home a bit ago, very long sitting in the chair getting chemo. Just feel yucky. started having what i call pop rocks under my skin, felt like nerve tingles or gas moving in a million places at once, have felt the chest do this before but this was weird, it was chest, stomach, hips, a million times in just a few minutes, still having it somewhat in my chest, dr came and checked me out, she was clueless never saw this before, gave me benedryl via iv, knocked me out pretty much for the rest of chemo, which was good since it was so long.

Dr finally listening about not being able to pee, now she wants me to cut off dilodid too, i dont think i can do that, but am trying. also now having sensation of needing to pee and poop but nothing there... anyways i have my purse again with 5fu chemo in it and will have it for next two days, i hope this weird feelings go away and this gotta go feeling goes away too, had that all night last night slept maybe 2 hours. Thanks for prayers everyone.

Christmas was wonderful!

Christmas was everything it should be, family, a wonderful time, and good food to be shared. It meant alot to have everyone here. I made the girls journals complete with hand made covers with pictures on them. It was alot of fun making them and I think they all liked them. I have been journalling for many months now and it gives me peace, helps to clear my mind and also lets those closest to me have something to hang on to when I am gone. I hope the kids and my sisters use their journals.afterall, one day their words will be a memory for those they leave behind. Still so hard to believe but we are all going to die, could be fast or could be slow but everyone doesn't get the blessing of time that I have had and journalling is a great way to leave behind a piece of yourself, your inner most self, thoughts, feelings, wants, fears, happiness and sadness. I know I will be leaving behind this special gift for those that love me thru my journal. Many days I believe it is because of this blog, my journal and my digital tape recorder that keep me sane, or as sane as one can be under these circumstances.

I didn't end up having chemo on Friday. Christmas evening I got the worst cramps in my stomach, and they didn't go away until 5:30 in the morning. There was no way I could hve tolerated chemo. I thought for sure I was on my way out, I don't know how much more pain my body can tolerate. We went ahead and saw the Dr friday afternoon, she still believes that the pain is coming from the tumors in my pelvis. I still say they are from my colon., BUT I can't order tests and she can and she won't she doesn't feel they are needed. So we chnged my pain meds a little bit, and the plan is to have chemo on Monday nnd if I am still in pain, then we don't do chemo but instead I will be admitted to the hospital so they can try to get my pain under control. It is horrible when I am so tired, I can barely keep my eyes open, but the pain prevents me from sleeping. I will be honest, I am scared, but know whatever will be, will be, so just kinda waiting it out.

Last night, I kept filling up with gas and each time it would take a couple of hours to get it out of me, so not much sleep again. Today was reasonable with pain, but I could tolerate it, but then here we are tonite, with that same gas pain, bloaty, sore, crampy. I bought a new massage cushion for my chair clearanced today and I am using it right now and it is really helping. I am not sure if the constant vibration is a distraction from the pain or it is taking the pain away, but I will take it. Between this and my debbie heat pillows and hot bths, I am surviving. The Dr told me again she wouldnot consider a pain pump for liquid dilodid, so I am not sure what else they can give me. I counted pills from two days ago, since I am loggin everything so I don't forget what I have and havent taken, and I took 15 pills in one day! Hard to believe that two years ago, I took nothing, nothing at all for anything and now I have quite the wardrobe of pain meds, laxztives, muscle relaxers, and the list goes on. NO wonder I get constipaated takin so much medicine.

To answer questionf from the comments.... yes I am still smoking. I know not good for me, but what else do I have? It's not like they have ever told me I would live longer if I quit, and it's my one bad habit and I refuse to give it up. I had just turned 14 when my Mom passed away, so it has been 33 years since I have seen her. I know she is waiting for me and will be there with her hand reached out for me when I get to heaven.

I was also turned down from the insurance company for coverage for sir spheres, which I figured would happen, so I am going to call the Dr in colorado and update him on my latest scan and growth and see if he still feels we should appeal. I hear it is pretty common to get turned down, but is usually easy to get it reversed. I just need time, and I am not sure I have that luxury of time anymore. I am still pissed at myself for not pursuing sir spheres many months ago. It is clear again that most Dr's are in it for the money. Now, the Dr we saw in chicago will not return emails or phone calls, I am sure because the chemo dollars aren't falling his way. We told him we still wanted him to call the shots, I guess he decided on his own path by bowing out.
So folks, I am not sure where my road in life is going. There area many other specialists out there, I just dont know if I can do the trip and I know I have to get chemo, and a chemo that works and fast if I am going to be here for more than a few months. Pray for the right decisions, and the right dr's to cross our path. It is God's will and it is unclear right now what I am supposed to do, the christian part of me says to fight is to have faith, but yet I know the toll that this constant pain and no sleep is putting on my body, so again I give it to God and ask him to show me the way.
Thank you all. I hope you all had wonderful Christmas's and are preparing for the new year. I am amazed I am here, I wasn't supposed to see 2008, much less see the whole 2008 and it appears I just might see the new year come in.
Blessings,
Tami

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas to everyone! Christmas is such a precious time, it marks the birth of Jesus and this year especially like no other, I am celebrating it the wayit should have been all along, I am so thankful for the birth of our Saviour Jesus Christ. I know if it weren't for my cancer journey, I wouldn't know our heavenly father as well as I do now, and I am so thankful I have had a chance to get to know Jesus. He is always there for all of us, he puts faith back into me when I need it most, he carries me at times when I can't imagine going on. He has given me so many blessing throughout life as well as throught my cancer journey.

We will be spending Christmas with all of the kids, and grandkids here, just like always. There isn't alot of presents to pass out, and that is just the way it should be. The gifts that are here are gifts from my heart, things for the most part that I have made. I am so thankful that I am here and able to make gifts that will keep the memory alive for a long time to come. I am so thankful that I am here, I really didn't think I would be, and I am, letting me know once again, it's not in my ability, it is in the lords ability, and only he will tell me when it is time to go. I have been asking him for clearer direction, I am putting all of this into his hands, he already knows, so I am listening to him.
I hope each of you get the chance to be with your families today and to celebrate the true meaning of Christmas. We are all so blessed. Through our saviour Jesus Christ, we can all have eternal life in heaven, this is just the beginning and I am told, we have no idea of the glory of what is yet to come. I am so thankful for my family and friends. I hope I have caused even one person to wake up and smell the roses before it is too late.

I ended up at the Hospital last night. The shot to make me go to the bathroom, well, it was horrible, I got all the cramps,but that was it and they wouldn't go away, for those of you who have given birth, it was like the end stage of labor except it didn't come and go, it stayed, my entire colon was cramping up. Thankfully, a stmoach pill to stop the contractions and some iv dildid did the job. I was so afraid Iwould be spending Christmas in the hospital, so again I am thankful.
I also found something that really makes it all hit home. When my Mom died, for 3 nights before she died, she would be very talkative during the day, go into horrible pain followed by this scream that I can only inagine sounds like the scream I hve heard rabbits make when they are dying, then she would go into a coma at night time. Thankfully, the lord took her on the 4th morning and she did not have to endure the pain any longer.... where am I going with rhis?
Well last week or the week before when I went to the ER, they put a iv in me and it hurt so bad, thenurse walked away for a second and the syringe that was hooked to it fell and started to pull the iv out, well since then I am terrified of needles. I never even clenched before and believe me I have been stuck alot. Well last night when the nurse went to put the iv in my arm, I was in HORRIBLE pain from it, it seems they use a larger plasic needle that goes too far in or something, well while she was putting the iv in, this scream came from me, I didn't even realize itwas coming from me, I have never made that sound before, but as soon as it was over and she had pulled the iv out, I realized that was the scream my mom had for those nights before she passed. Very scary stuff. I realize why My Mom did so many of the things she did when she was dying of cancer. I realize because it feels like some of the same is happening to me. I never understood before til I got cancer. I always questioned why she didnt fight harder, why she only ate and drank what she wanted to, which was corn curls and whiskey. I realize now why my Mom was put into a mental ward when she was dying. I know now alot of what I didn't understand then, perhaps this is all part of my journey, but I understand more and more each day why she did what she did. My Mom was a amazing woman who loved me so deep. Cancer does something to you, that tears your very soul apart, I know this too well. I only hope when I go toheaven I take the old me, because these days I dont like me very well.

WOW this turned into a massive post and I really just wanted to say Merry Christmas to all of you out there in blog land, and so I will leave it at that. Thank you for your continued prayers for me, I need peace, no pain, and even more no pain.
Have a very Merry Christmas,
Tami

update

Wow, it has been a week since I posted. This last week has been filled with so much pain, a dr visit and has left me just not knowing which way to turn. We have decided on folfori for chemo, we actually got to make our own choice. BUT, I have also decided that if the pain isn't under control, then I am not going to do chemo, my body can't tolerate anymore, as bad as I want to fight with chemo, there is no way. The pain I am sure as I have said before is from my colon. My colon at night and in the morning especially likes to pretend like I have to "go" but there isn't anything there, so my colon muscle is clenched up tight, and I am left with horrible pain. I have figured out tht milk of magnesia will make me go in just a few hours, but then I am left with a day of constant cramping and this clenching up of my colon, not fun to say the least. I have also figured out how to get the pain to go away but am afraid of what it might do to me. If I take long acting oxycontin, stomach pill, and dilodid, the pain goes away, but what is happening is everything is going to sleep. I can't pee, and lose feeling down there. Tonite I am still struggling with trying to get my colon to wake up, so I don't have a solution. I am also running a fever tonite. I know the answer is in finding the right laxative, but am not there yet, but am trying a couple of new ones. The Dr gave me a shot that makes the brain not know it is constipated from opiod drugs, my fear is the cramping won't stop. I haven't tried the shot yet, but may soon.
I am praying that I am here for Christmas, which is also Norm's birthday. For now it really is one minute at a time. I could really use some prayers, actually my whole family could use some prayers. This is very hard on all of us. The clock is ticking but it's not looking good for chemo and we all know what that will mean. I am terrified that my body is just shutting down and we are already at the end. Sleep is good some nights, horrible on others, depending on pain. If you could spare a prayer headed our way, I would appreciate it. Go away fever vibes are also needed. I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas filled with family and friends, good times, and lots of laughs and smiles. Thank you for hanging in there wth me. I can sstill be that miracle, thank you all so much

Forever Gifts

This holiday season has been really rough on me. I am thankful to be here, as last year I was sure I wouldn't be. Well this year, I have the same feeling, just a little more realistic as the pain whizzes through my body, that I won't be here next yeat for Christmas so it has once again been important to give forever gifts, except this year I feel the urgency to give them now, instead of waiting until Christmas. I gave Eric the fleece blanket that I cut and tied for his baby that is due in June. Tonite Sarah and Josh came over for dinner. I promised Sarah a long time ago, I would be there when she had a baby. I know I have to break that promise. It breaks my heart more than I can write. I made a couple of the fleece tie baby blankets and I purchased a baby bracelet that I had scribed into it, My NaNa watches over me. These gifts will never take the place of me being there when Sarah has babies one day, but I want to be there in some way or another, so I gave her these gifts. My daughter is so precious to me and I know one day I will see my grandbabies be born, from afar but I will be there in spirit. I have been so fortunate that I could be here to see my 5 grandchildren that I have now, but I can't help feeling mad, angry, upset, pisses off, hurt, emotionally a wreck... that I can't be here to keep my promise to my baby girl. Sarah said, but what if you are here Mom. Ah my daughter the eternal optimist, or does she just know the right words to say to me, I am not sure which I would rather it be. Sweet Sarah, I love you forever, my sweet baby girl. forever in my heart.

Think this year about forever gifts you can give, unfortunately we just never know. I am still feeling really bad. My sleep continues to be short, my pain long and I am a wreck emotionally. Sometimes this is all just too much, I would rather hide in denial, but pain makes it real, too real. I love you dear Family, thank you so much for being here for me. I feel as if I have lost my mind, and then I realize that I probably have, who wouldn't? I have to focus on everything, that everyone has done, I have to remember the memories we have been able to create with these extra months, and I have to give praise to Jesus for it all.

The worst Christmas Gift you'v ever gotten

I thought this could be a fun weekend contest for everyone, I am all about fun, so please post your worst of the worst gift you have ever been given.

Names withheld although guesss will be accepted:)
I swear I am doing this as something fun, not mean or deceitful!

So I will go first, oh way too many years ago, I was a manager at a trvel center. I was probably not alwys the nicest manager, but most time I just couldn't be, it was like kids, you give them a inch they go for the mile. The day before Christmas one of the older gals gave me a gift card in a gorgous box, you know the giftcards yuo get whn you spend say $50 and you get a $10 dollar cert to be used the following week? Well the week the card was good for was long past. I suppose it was her way of telling me I wasn't so nice all the time, but I have to tell you, I actually got the biggest kick out of it because I knew she was getting a kick out of it. Anyways sometimes its nice to remember even those who werent your best friend, remember one day It will give you a laugh as you look backwards on it!
Your turn, please share yours!

My goodnews for today is the Dr gave me sleeping pills and I actually fill it kickin in, so I am hopefully off for about 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep,
Have a wonderful weekend Everyone! It s supposed to get really nasty on sunday and monday with a ice storm, which is fine with me, since I dont have to drive in it, but feel for all of you that do. In case you don't know, i don't do well drivin in winter or storm conditions, there is always a snicker or laugh at me anytime I have one of those stories to share,
Blessings to all, and to all a Good Night:)

Catching up

Well no chemo today. I really like the new Dr. She ws very through yesterday and asked why we were doing a colon cancer chemo when there are other options for neuroendocrine chemos that wouldn't be as hard on me. She also wants to look over my scans to make sure there are no tumors near my colon as there is a 20 percent chance of a colon rupture or complete blockage with the colon chemo add on avastin. Today was the appt to take in all the scans, records, which I didn't make because of major pain issues last night and this morning, but thankfully Norm was my stand in and took everything to her today. Now she wants a heart scan of some kind because one of the chemos can cause heart attack etc, so she wants to make sure my heart is healthy enough for it. Then we will make a decision on which chemo. This is scheduled for next wednesday. I just know I need to get on some chemo, would like the least side effects with the most cancer killing qualitys and I have to get this pain under control, it has gotten so bad, I am not sure I can even handle chemo on top of this pain. It's all related to my bowels, I still say even though Dr benson says it's not. I have to figure it out, my body is tired from being awake every night, I am undernourished because of not eating proper because eating hurts, and I am tired of hurting all night long. I think it is alot of the laxatives that work 3rd shift, and I am on so many, but cant get it under control, either I can't quit "going" or I can't "go". There has to be a happy medium.
I am blessed to be here today and pray for a pain free night tonite.
Oh and I left the Dr's office yesterday going, um who is the expert on my cancer? This Dr seems to be up on it pretty well. I really like her and hope its not all smoke in mirrors, ya know? I m scared though not to follow up on Dr benson, because he is the expert, so confused, but not enough since I m in this pain, it takes over everything. Please pray for Norm, he is so depressed with all of this. How couldn't he be? It breaks my heart, as he sees me changing I also see him changing and it's not fair for this to change my wonderful loving husband into a quiet, depressed man.

Here I am awake again

I just can't sleep at night anymore! Pain always finds me at night, no matter how much medicine I take.

I go to the Dr in Decatur tomorrow at 2:45, then hopefully back again on friday morning for chemo in decatur. I am anxious to meet this new Dr, actually the Dr is a she, so this will be a new thing for me. I just hope she is caring. I am not sure what my grand daughter will think when she sees me with "my purse" again( the chemo 48 hour pump I am on after chemo)

I talked to Norm a llittle about not going further with chemo tonite. I should be so thrilled that I can have chemo, when so many cancer patients can not. I guess I am just depressed. It seems like it hits me every day that I have cancer and it isn't going away. You would think after 15 months, I would have accepted it by now right? But somehow it seems that I reaccept it every day, and it makes me sad and angry and lonely and scared. I guess all of this pain really has me scared, and I know chemo could take away the pain by shrinking the cancer, but I remember being chemoed all too well, I just wish I could get a small break where I feel good and can act normal. I don't even know what normal is anymore, because this isn't normal. Normal for me would be scurrying to finish candle parties, candle orders and getting excited to start decorating and shopping for the holidays. Normal isn't looking around at a less than clean house, pill bottles, ensure, medical appt's, medical receipts, books about dying gracefully around. This Isn't normal. Ok, here I am whining again, and I keep promising myself I am not going to do that anymore, no time to waste, man oh man do I wish I had some time to waste!

I am thankful I am here today through the grace of God.

The Plan

Norm talked to Dr Benson late last night. After going thru every possible treatment they could and could not or would not give me, it was decided to put me back on the 2nd chemo I had, folfori. I only had 2 rounds of it before surgery and then we moved on to neurondocrine treatment after the surgery. Even though the Dr still feels this is not colon cancer, he is going to be giving me chemo for colon cancer because I had shrinkage on the first chemo which was also for colon cancer so he is hopeful that we will see good results with this one. The Dr had done his homework and gave us a couple more options for treatment so at least we know they are there, he even checked into a few clinical trials at univ. of chicago if we wanted to go that direction. He also said if I tolerate this new chemo, then after 30 days he would definitely consider strongly doing radiation on the tumor in my pelvis that is near my bladder. he feels that is where all my pain is coming from. So, I have that to look forward to, because if he is right, it would be so great to be pain free, I can do anything as long as I know how long it is for, so 30 more days of this pain, I can and will get thru. I still feel as if the pain is coming from my colon. Note the time, this pain has kept me up last night and now again tonite. My back and hips feel as if they are being torn from my body.

So, at least we have another option, I hope this chemo has minimal side effects and I can tolerate it well. We will be doing most of the treatments in Decaur with a Dr, that Dr benson has worked with from there, so the traceling less will be a huge help, especially since this pain really kicks up in the car.

I pray that we have found yet another way to keep me kicking, and I am thnkful for this option. I am learning that I really need to give my Dr a little more praise after all he is the specialist so I need to rely that he will give us our best options. It will be great to have a local oncologist to deal with day to day things that come up as well. Thank you for your continued prayers and well wishes. They are what is keeping me going.

I am also thankful that Norm talked to the Dr, as Norm has much more patience than I do, and I get so confused and get stuck on one word and hear nothing else, so this way Norm can reexplain it all to me. I am really noticing some problems in my brain. Forgtfullness, and not being able to remember simle words, I can see them but can't say them for nothing.

I did get 4 of the tie fleece baby blankets done yesterday. It was nice to have distraction from the day to day, and even if I am not here, my grandbabies will have a blanket made by NaNa to keep them warm.

Thank You God for giving me this day.

The Calm after the storm

Hopefully tomorrow we will get to talk to the oncologist since it was his nurse practioner that we saw on friday. We continue to pray and ask for your prayers that the Oncologist will have a plan in place for me, no matter what it should be. I keep asking myself and Norm if it is time to stop treatment and I keep getting the same answers, maybe, maybe not. We are going to have to wait to see what is offered to us and then make a tough decision. I have read that clinical trials don't work 9 times out of 10 and the only ones I will qualify for are stage 1 trials where they are basically taking a idea and testing out the maximum dosage they can give before it kills you, so as I said this is going to be a difficult decision. My hope is that he has a plan using some of the chemos that I have heard about for my type of cancer. That wasn't really offered to us, but it is my hope and what I am praying for. In any case I have had over 15 months more time here on earth and for that I am thankful. I have had some success controlling my pain with the diladid pills, almost too much if that is possible. I know I can't take the max they said which is 2- 4mg tablets, I thought I was going to die when I took 1 and a half, way too strong, no pain, but couldn't speak right or breathe right either. Unfortunately, this new medicine has brought on worse constipation so having to deal with that also. Please keep us in your prayers, we hope to get with the Dr tomorrow. I don't wanna wait any longer than needed.

I want to talk about the benefit again also. I am still awestruck by the generosity of everyone that helped put it together, helped the night of the benefit, donated so so many items for auction, It was amazing to see people I hand't seen in a long time, and it was amazing to see strangers pulling money from their wallets for me. I am forever thankful, Bless each of you for all that you did, and Thank you for those of you that donated but couldn't be there, I really appreciate it. The money is going to good use as we enter these times we thought might be further down the road, but we are looking at them now. It just goes to show you never know on that road of life when there will be a turn, or even when it will end. Please enjoy every moment of your life and thank you all for your support. It means the world to me.

So grateful for the life I have lived

I am so grateful for the life I have lived. The last 15 months have been a huge roller coaster, but I have learned so much about life in these 15 months. I am a mother, a wife, a sister, a friend, a grandma, a daughter in law. I wouldn't trade this for anything. Everyone I have been with in the past 15 months have completed my life, made it whole. I am so lucky to have had these last 15 months to learn what I have, to have time with everyone and to love and be loved by so many. Each smile I have seen has been worth any pain I have been thru, each hug, each kiss, each word, and each whisper, each hand squeeze, can never be taken away! I am so thankful the Lord has given me this extra time to get to know him better and he has allowed me to be here today typing this, I am blessed. Thank you to each of you for being a part of my life. There have been many sad times, but the happy times far outweigh the sad. I will never see a cure for this disease but hopefully, all of you will. Hopefully, I have encouraged someone to get to a Dr and prevented them from being a me. I hope in some small way I have encouraged any or all of you to live life. Be kind to yourself, love with everything that you are, and find the Lord. I am so blessed in life.
I am so very blessed. always remember, you can't get back yesterday.

In Chicago today, we were told that there couldn't be a treatment plan until the pain is under control. Sir spheres are no longer a option as my tumors are growing in my pelvis as well as my liver. If the pain gets under control, I may be able to go for a clinical trial in Houston or New York. Life is so uncertain. They wanted to admit me to the pallative care unit in Chicago, I declined, they put me on oral diladid for pain. I wanted to come home, I don't know what the future holds or even how long or short it may be. I know the cancer is growing, I know it is aggresive and I know it won't take long to take over, perhaps it already has. This is the day I have dreaded, yet it is here and I still want to fight, I don't plan on ever giving up, I also realized again today that sometimes it is not my choice. This is much larger than I. I continue to fight and realize even more today than ever before that it is beyond my control. Thank you Norm for the care you have taken of me. I love you forever. Thank you for helping me to fight,

On to the next plan?

Well, this has been a tough couple of days. The pain has been almost non stop and after talking to the Dr in Chicago, we decided to go up to Peoria to St. Francis to get IV pain med, a ct. Well finally at around 7 last night, The dr came in and said they were seeing some new spots of cancer and my largest liver tumor had grown. After coming home, we realized they weren't comparing the new scan to the last scan from Chicago, but to a older scan in Bloomington. Well, we already knew there was some new spots showing from Chicago scan, but they were calling them omentum, where we think Peoria is calling them Pelvis tumors, or at least we are hoping they are refering to the same tumors. In any case the tumors have grown. They still say I don't have a bowel blockage, so perhaps the pain is from these new tumors pressing on my colon and other areas down low, resulting in pain radiating at times into my hips.

After Norm talked to Chicago today, he was told My dr there is coming up with a new plan, that may include a clinical trial, sir spheres or seomthing else. This scares me that I have ran out of traditional chemo options, but perhaps this isn't the case and My Dr is just looking for the best option. I am going to talk to them also about pain control, because even though they have me taking 3 oxycodone at a time, with my stomach being sometimes very slow to dump, comes with it, that the pain med doesn't work until the stomach dumps. The diladid they give me in the hospital works immediatly, it is given thru a iv, so I am hoping they will give me a pain pump with diladid. The pain is quite a challenge, as I said it is there almost always and prevents sleep, so I am wore out. Please pray that they can find a answer to help me with this pain and that they can come up with a plan that will again shrink this cancer into nothing. There is still hope, I just have to believe. Obviously, we are terrified, but I know God will get us thru this just as he has for the last 15 months. My patience runs thin when I am in so much pain, this is when I get the weakest in body and spirit. Any prayers are appreciated and thankfully, the benefit came at just the right time, as I could be doing a lot of traveling for treatment depending on what they come up with. I wish I had better news, but at least a plan is forthcoming.

Thank you Debbie for once again spearheading getting me seen quicker and a answer to what is going on, you are the best, and I am so glad your my sister. I couldn't possibley pull this off without you, I love you

The Benefit

I have never been so touched in my life to see all the work of family, friends, and caring people come together to create the benefit for me. It was absolutely amazing! The donations were massive. The many,many people that came were amazing. It touches my heart the generosity of everyone. Thank you all! If you played a small part or a large part, I thank you from my heart for caring enough to help me. I am overwhelmed with the generosity of both people I know and people I don't. I can't say Thank You enough. The pain I have been having stayed at bay long enough for me to attend the benefit, I would have crawled there if I had to, to show everyone how much I appreciate the work that has been done and to see everyone.

I am in horrible pain, and it prevents me from writing as much as I would like to about how awesome the benefit was, but I wanted to Thank everyone for their help in allowing me to continue the fight. Cancer definitely isn't cheap even with insurance, the help we have been given financially will allow us to continue fighting, but more importantly, the many handprints that have been left on my heart will always be near and dear to me.
Thank you so very much.
Tami