update

Wow, it has been a week since I posted. This last week has been filled with so much pain, a dr visit and has left me just not knowing which way to turn. We have decided on folfori for chemo, we actually got to make our own choice. BUT, I have also decided that if the pain isn't under control, then I am not going to do chemo, my body can't tolerate anymore, as bad as I want to fight with chemo, there is no way. The pain I am sure as I have said before is from my colon. My colon at night and in the morning especially likes to pretend like I have to "go" but there isn't anything there, so my colon muscle is clenched up tight, and I am left with horrible pain. I have figured out tht milk of magnesia will make me go in just a few hours, but then I am left with a day of constant cramping and this clenching up of my colon, not fun to say the least. I have also figured out how to get the pain to go away but am afraid of what it might do to me. If I take long acting oxycontin, stomach pill, and dilodid, the pain goes away, but what is happening is everything is going to sleep. I can't pee, and lose feeling down there. Tonite I am still struggling with trying to get my colon to wake up, so I don't have a solution. I am also running a fever tonite. I know the answer is in finding the right laxative, but am not there yet, but am trying a couple of new ones. The Dr gave me a shot that makes the brain not know it is constipated from opiod drugs, my fear is the cramping won't stop. I haven't tried the shot yet, but may soon.
I am praying that I am here for Christmas, which is also Norm's birthday. For now it really is one minute at a time. I could really use some prayers, actually my whole family could use some prayers. This is very hard on all of us. The clock is ticking but it's not looking good for chemo and we all know what that will mean. I am terrified that my body is just shutting down and we are already at the end. Sleep is good some nights, horrible on others, depending on pain. If you could spare a prayer headed our way, I would appreciate it. Go away fever vibes are also needed. I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas filled with family and friends, good times, and lots of laughs and smiles. Thank you for hanging in there wth me. I can sstill be that miracle, thank you all so much