Catching up

Well no chemo today. I really like the new Dr. She ws very through yesterday and asked why we were doing a colon cancer chemo when there are other options for neuroendocrine chemos that wouldn't be as hard on me. She also wants to look over my scans to make sure there are no tumors near my colon as there is a 20 percent chance of a colon rupture or complete blockage with the colon chemo add on avastin. Today was the appt to take in all the scans, records, which I didn't make because of major pain issues last night and this morning, but thankfully Norm was my stand in and took everything to her today. Now she wants a heart scan of some kind because one of the chemos can cause heart attack etc, so she wants to make sure my heart is healthy enough for it. Then we will make a decision on which chemo. This is scheduled for next wednesday. I just know I need to get on some chemo, would like the least side effects with the most cancer killing qualitys and I have to get this pain under control, it has gotten so bad, I am not sure I can even handle chemo on top of this pain. It's all related to my bowels, I still say even though Dr benson says it's not. I have to figure it out, my body is tired from being awake every night, I am undernourished because of not eating proper because eating hurts, and I am tired of hurting all night long. I think it is alot of the laxatives that work 3rd shift, and I am on so many, but cant get it under control, either I can't quit "going" or I can't "go". There has to be a happy medium.
I am blessed to be here today and pray for a pain free night tonite.
Oh and I left the Dr's office yesterday going, um who is the expert on my cancer? This Dr seems to be up on it pretty well. I really like her and hope its not all smoke in mirrors, ya know? I m scared though not to follow up on Dr benson, because he is the expert, so confused, but not enough since I m in this pain, it takes over everything. Please pray for Norm, he is so depressed with all of this. How couldn't he be? It breaks my heart, as he sees me changing I also see him changing and it's not fair for this to change my wonderful loving husband into a quiet, depressed man.