Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Just numb today

trying to figure it all out. We have decided that we can't go to chicago every week for treatment, we can't afford a weekly trip up there and a hotel stay every week. From what I read, this chemo is pretty tough on the body, the blood counts and brings with it high fever. We are going to check out a new oncologist locally to have some of the treatments done at. This just makes sense as I want to be local when the time comes,not in Chicago. I have grown a serious dislike of Chicago. I have grown a serious dislike to many things, like restaurants i have eaten at while undergoing chemo, applebees is definitely on that list. I have been trying to slowly start deleting out my bookmarks for candle making. I know there won't be a time when I will ever get to go back. Everytime I press the delete key, I think "are you happy now cancer" I miss life like it used to be, I even miss life like it was two days ago.

I am really having problems digesting food now. It's as if my stomach grabs each breath of air I take for hours after I eat, resulting in belching for hours and a horrid bloated feeeling. Thank goodness for liquid moriphine.

I want to accomplish as much as I can before I start the new chemo. It blows my mind what all I have been thru and how I continue, but I know it's just what you do, get in line and follow along.
Thanks for your prayers, I just need peace.

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

Peace is what I'm praying for as I type. Please let us know if there is anything specific that we can pray for.

You have to make decisions that are right for you and the chemo close to home sounds like a good one. If ever there was a time to put your own needs and wants first, this is it...Girlie I love you, Brenda

Anonymous said...

Tami: I just don't know what to say. I pray for you every day. I'll pray for God to give you peace. Glad to hear you can get treatment closer to home. I think that will help. At least you can go home to rest and get your strength back and be around family. That means alot. My prayers are with you... Love Patti in Arkansas

Anonymous said...

What Cancer Cannot Do

Cancer is so limited...

It cannot cripple love
It cannot shatter hope
It cannot corrode faith
It cannot destroy peace
It cannot kill friendship
It cannot suppress memories
It cannot silence courage
It cannot invade the soul
It cannot steal eternal life
It cannot conquer the spirit.

Love you.

Jackie

Anonymous said...

Tami,
I am a loss for words.God Loves you and know that your Family,Friends and I love you and we are here for you in what ever way we can .May you have peace with no pain.


Love Ya Deb

Anonymous said...

Tami,

The cancer is in you, but it doesn't own you. I will pray for you constantly during these days. Never lose hope, regardless of what is placed before you or how you are feeling. God is in control. Sometimes, it is difficult for us to understand this, especially when one is experiencing what you are, but he is.

Take Care, Rebecca

Anonymous said...

Tami; I agree with the other bloggers. God has control of your life right now, but I hope you have the faith to trust him. you are still and always will be one of the strongest ladies I know. please have peace. you are in my prayers every day. ......Barb

Anonymous said...

Simply, God Bless you and your family.

Anonymous said...

Good morning Tami! I just wanted to let you know I'm praying for you today. I hope this day is a blessing for you...Brenda

Anonymous said...

I Love You...My whole family prays for you and your babies. I feel so selfish being caught up with my day to day things and I haven't called or been in touch. Now I sit here reading your blog and I cry huge tears to hear you are not doing better. How ashamed I feel..please call anytime you feel bored or alone. I miss you!
Heather