This is the way I feel today, like I am 5 again and have been told by my parents to just get in the back of the car, leave the driving to them and be quiet. This is how I feel about my life right now, it doesn't matter what I see ahead, I am just supposed to shut up. It's like my feelings don't even matter anymore. I want to find a Dr that believes I have hope, maybe I already have one, I don't even know anymore. I just wish so much that I had options, you know, like when you go to dinner, you get to pick, I don't have options on anything anymore. I get to do what I am told and that's it. My medical options... well there are no options. I get to go have more chemo tomorrow and sit back, shut up and just deal with it. Too bad, that I can still feel the chemo from last round, too bad, just too bad.
I am sorry I am always so negative in my blog. I hope to work on that one day, it's just how I feel today. I am so scared for my results tomorrow, as if it matters anyway, i don't have options, I just get to do what I am told and that's it. When or if a stranger decides I am ready for surgery, it will be "their" option, not mine. I wait for them to decide. I hate feeling so out of control literally in my life.
Psychic Kids
14 years ago
1 comment:
I know this feeling all to well Tami. But you have to beat it - your job is to listen and do what they say & it is very important that you let them know what your body is doing. It sucks - like u I like to be in control. Talk as much as you can to your doctor make them listen to you. It's like when you take the kids to get their shots - they need them & really not much you can do about it.
Sometimes I would tell the doctor what I am doing to help me feel better. Even if it is as little as using peppermint to calm my stomach, or walking a certain distance each day, etc. It gives me a little satisfaction.
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