The weekend

First off, thank you all from the bottom of my heart for your comments. I am glad I have made a thumbprint on some of your lives. Please, also take your health seriously. Colon cancer is the second leading cause of cancer death, please get your colonoscopies, and if you feel something isn't right, dont stop til you figure it out. I am not sure my story would have changed much, but it is said it takes 10-15 years for a polyp to grow into cancer. Since I had a colonoscopy just 4 years before diagnosis, it probably wouldn't have changed my story, unless it was missed then, but if it had been detected then, they simply would have plucked the polyp out and life would be normal for me now. I wouldn't be looking at the end of my life at 46 years old. Don't think for a second your too young for colon cancer! You would be amazed at all the 30 years and up I have met since my cancer journey began, that started off the same as me, stage iv. Take care of yourselves, it could make the difference between life and death, literally!

For Christmas this year, well it's going to happen a little early for a few of the grandkids. I bought some lip balm making stuff for me and my two grandaughters to make together. They will have enough to hand out to friends for Christmas if they want, or enough to last a long time, I hope the memory of making it with me lives on for a long long time. I also got sock monkey making kits coming to make with McKayla, DeAnn and Korban. Again, it's the memory I want to create with them. I think back to most Christmas times and the hussle and bussle of shopping for so much stuff, and ya know what? I can't remember any more of what we bought than can anyone it was bought for. Times are tough, and time is short, so I have decided to do things with everyone I love that will make memories. Who wouldn't rather hang out with little girls making stuff than being in that mess we call Christmas frenzy to buy the best, the biggest, and for what? Homemade has always been best to me, memories well youcan't top memories.

Saturday was so nice, I got out with Nancy H to go check out the place for the benefit with my sister. It still feels weird, the whole benefit, and I still cry everytime I think of the generosity of people using their time and resources on me, but it also touches me deeply that they want to do this for me. I also got to sell a few candles at a craft show my other sister sherry was at. That was the most awesome thing to sell what I created oh so many years ago, I am so proud of Sherry for carrying on GrubbyLand Candles. It felt so good to do thru my sales speel and sell a few candles. I miss it so much.

Today I woke up hurting, well actually all throughout the night, so after taking pain meds and being so tired, the pain has went away and left me nauseated and feverish. So I have just kicked back and taken it easy most of the day. My aughter Sherri and baby RJ did come over earlier so it was great to see them.

I went thru a feel sorry for myself time last night. I was so lonely, none of the kids had called all day, and I was just sad about it, so I journaled, and I prayed and two minutes later Kristi called, and then Sarah called, so it was great to hear from both of them.

Some of the kids have asked for a recording of my voice so while I was gone yesterday, sweet Norm bought me a digital voice recorder. Ya know just when you want to say, Norm, we don't have the money for stuff like that, you just gotta smile and be thankful for the memories it will leave and worry about the money later. I have already recorded myself singing twinkle twinkle little star. I have sang that song to each one of my grandchildren and don't plan on stopping even if I am not here, NaNa will be singing twinkle twinkle, and I will be watching down on all my precious babies. Thy say kids can communicate with you once your gone, and I hope I get the opportunity to whisper in their ears one day just how much I love and miss them. oth Sherri and Sharon(Erics girlfriend) are pregnant and due next year and Sarah will be the greatest Mommy ever one day, so I know Nana will get to at least sing twinkle twinkle little star to all of my grandchildren, no matter what. So, Norm, instead of complaining about the money you spent, all I am gonna say is Thank You for helping me to create lasting memories.
I know I will forever miss my family in a heartbeat. I know that one day, they will join me in heaven for eternity and that is the only part of this that makes it even close to bearable.

Off for nap time....