Can't keep me down forever

Thank you all for your comments, I really appreciate them. It is nice to know there is life outside of this house and that you all are praying for me. God gets me through each moment of each day and for this I am thankful.

I have devised my own plan, even though the on call Dr today, didn't agree..pfft

They did give me a stronger pain long acting pain patch, and short acting oxycodone without the tylenlol, well I should say the pain specialist did. They also gave me some kind of steroid that is for severe allergies and takes your immune system down.

I tried going without my colon relaxer med friday night and it was horrible, I really thought I was dying, my body bloated up with gas that was going no where and at 2 am I begged Norm to take me to the hospital, thankfully he didn't and we worked through it. I was so exhausted. I went off the long acting oxycodone friday but by last night, I was feeling out of my mind, like I had lost my mind, anxious and realizing it was probably detox from that I took a half one. I did not start the long acting pain patches, honestly I dont feel I need them, and I just started the lon acting oxycodone when I was in the hospital so thought well if I can get off those maybe this back pain would go away, and guess what? It did, my bowels were working again, just cutting that out, or down as I had to have another half this morning as I felt out of my mind crazy again.
So I will talk to the pain specialist tomorrow morning and see what she sugggests but I went back on the colon relaxer, I have to eat and this pill is important to allow that to happen without pain, I didn't even start the steroid whatevers nor the long acting pain patch. I just don't feel I need them, and the pain was coming from my back and lower stomach hurting which I feel was caused by so many drugs putting my colon to sleep. My only downfall is I have 3 of the long acting oxycodone left so not much to do weaning, but as I said God will get me through this.

I am going to look for another Dr, I don't like the way the Dr said chemo doesn't usually work on my tumors, and I don't like what he had to say, I have to find someone that will give me hope. The benefit couldn't come at a better time as this will give us the finances to go somewhere else.

Please pray for the strength for me to get thru pulling myself off of this long acting oxycodone, and feeling better again. My biggest problem is this feeling like I am going to have a panic attack and it is scary, very scary. I have apologized to Norm a million times for this as I can't imagine having to watch me act like i have lost my mind.

A HUGE thank you to each person that has or is donating for my benefit, for each person that is helping in one way or another or a million ways, and even if you are just planning on coming to my benefit, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I can't wait to see everyone and I can't thank you enough, it touches me so deeply and even the benefit seems as if it was planned for the perfect time as it is going to allow us to keep going, searching and hopefully conquering this cancer. I also need prayers to feel well enough to come to the benefit this coming saturday, I can't even think of not being there to thank everyone for all of their hard work. People are amazing, and again I can't thank you enough for pulling this together.

I also guess I left it questionable in my last post as to if I had chemo or not, Yes I did have chemo, at least it's a chance, and I have to keep fighting and take every chance I can, I did it without the normal nausea premeds as I didn't want the constipation, steroid stay awake feeling. The schedule right now, which wasn't even explained to me is for me to go back up for chemo on the 5th and 19th of december for chemo, as I said they never explained why they changed the schedule and at neither of those appt;s do I see the Dr so not happy about that.

Again, thank you all for your prayers, and well wishes, they mean so much to me. It is mind boggling the number of people I have praying for me, Live strong, strive for memories with your loved ones, as the holidays approach remember, the best thing you can give anyone is your time, memories matter most. As I said at my birthday, all I want is another birthday, and all I want for christmas is time with family and friends. I can't begin to tell you how much it means to me to see a comment on here, to have my phone ring or to have someone over. Loneliness is the worst thing in the world when you are faced with what I am, and God has really been taking care of me not being lonely, please don't be afraid to come and see me or to call me, I am not "up" all the time, but hearing a voice or seeing a face means the world to me. It's when things are quiet here that I get scared.

If you don't know Jesus Christ as your saviour, please get to know him, he is there for us always.