Wish me luck

I have been having these daily pain episodes that start about a hour after breakfast for the past week and a half. It causes pain in my right side under my ribs, and pain in my chest, and makes my left arm feel really weak. My oncologist wants me to go to the ER when it happens next time, which I presume will be in the morning to get a ekg done, he also wants me to get a internist and a gastroentrologist. I have no faith in Dr's and even less in local Dr's but cant just run to Chicago, and all my oncologist ever seems to say is, it's normal, we're not concerned about it,blah blah blah. He's the only specialist in my cancer in Illinois. how do I even find a Dr locally that will even understand or remember that page from college about neuroendocrine cancer? I have been told to have another colonoscopy, but again I can't run to chicago for everything and dont feel comfortable with the locals since my experience at diagnosis. Rationally, the best choice is to quit eating. I even had a pain episode tonite after dinner. I am sure something is blocked, something is not right, but I just don't know where to turn anymore. I feel like I need a advocacy group to find my medical care, but know they will just say well you have cancer. Is this the end for me? It kinda feels like it, I know this pain is unmanageable and I can't deal with it. I know food causes it, but just not sure why, so somehow I am going to be thrust into a world of unknown Dr's to once again tell me what is what. Sometimes I wish they would just hook me up to tpn for iv nutrition and give me a bag hanging from my stomach to poop in, then I wouldn't deal with figuring out what is going in and what won't come out. I know that sounds bad, but I am just tired of being sick and sick of being tired. I can't sleep anymore either as if the rest weren't bad enough. A xanax, half percocet and a sleeping pill will give me 3 hours of solid sleep if I try really hard, unfortunately that combo isnt even working tonite. My body is just wore out from all of this and my mind isn't far behind and may actually be even more wore out than my body. I have to figure all of this out and I have to rely on a strange Dr to help me. The only thing I can do is pray and I know God will help me get through all of this. I just hope the Dr's dont see the cha ching dollar signs and decide I need to be in the hospital, thats my biggest fear, I dont ever want to be in the hospital again. I am scared and once again today, I am cancer...I hate this disease