Another of my favorite pictures, you will have to clik on it to get the full meaning of it. This is a secret language between myself and korban(booga) I ask him how much he loves me and he stretches his arms as far back as possible to show the amount of love, and says I love you this much. here we are showing each other how much we love each other. Looking on is My soon to be daughter in law Sharon and my grandson Skylar. I realized today that cancer magnifys everything in life. From the moment you hear the words"you have cancer" Life changes, from that second forward, everything is magnified. The highs in life are even higher, and sadly the lows are lower than ever before. Positive experiences, positive words have much more meaning after being diagnosed with terminal cancer. I realize more the meaning of good in my life, I appreciate more, see more, sense more and relish more in the things most just take for granted and I took for granted before those 3 words changed my life. I like everyone else, just lived as if there would always be a tomorrow and took a lot for granted in life. I don't do that anymore, I truly appreciate each day and any good that happens within that day. Bad things that happen effect me even more than they ever would have before cancer. Things I would have just blown off to a bad day, now ruin my day, my week, my month or my future no matter how long or short that will be. Things I used to be able to just shake off, I can't anymore. Every word that is spoken negatively to me is magnified, examined, to the point I am sure I over examine every thing. I get hurt much easier by words or actions that are negative than I ever did before. As I said at the beginning, today I have learned that cancer has magnified everything in my life. When my brother and sister in law left on Saturday, it was magnified, not just a see you next time, but a heartfelt, I will miss you, because I am not sure I will see them again. When my in laws left it was the same thing, it used to be see you in two years, this year it was a heartfelt thank you for everything you have done for us, Thank you for giving me Norm, Thank you for taking me under your wing, and I will miss you. I couldn't say I will see you again, because reality says I may not. I only wish that life had become magnified before I got cancer, I am grateful for the chances I have had since getting cancer, but I am sorry that I didn't take life more serious before cancer. Next time you say good bye, use me for your example to magnify it to what it should be, life is so short and so unpredictable, shouldn't everyone magnify life? When someone steps on my heart strings, I take it very literally now, before it would have just been a hmmm they must be having a bad day, now it's a wow, what did I do to deserve that, and then I spend the rest of my time trying to figure out what I did, how I got there and where to go next. Most of all, I wish those around me could understand why I magnify every thing that happens in my life, I may not have a tomorrow, I have to relish today, so the highs are much higher and the lows are so much lower. I am sorry, but that is how it works in my world since I was told those 3 little words"you have cancer"
1 comment:
What a precious picture! I love it.
I am glad to see you appreciating life -- there are so many who just live like there is always going to be a tomorrow, taking everything for granted, procrastinating the pleasures.
I am sorry to hear that the wonderful highs come with heightened sensitivity and lows. I think you had the right attitude before -- most people are not out to hurt others, they are just not able to sympathize with others to a level where they can accurately predict the other's reaction. It's thinking of the self before thinking of others, especially when there is not much time to think. That doesn't change how it makes you feel at the time, does it? What you could try is clearer communication. When someone says/does something that hurts, don't keep it in, instead just blurt it out -- "that hurt me. did you really mean it?". The chances are the person will be highly apologetic and will explain they did not mean to hurt you, which ought to make you feel better. If they think you're being overly sensitive -- hey, chalk it up to chemo! (In reality, it probably has a lot to do with it.)
And if they say "yes, it meant to hurt!" -- well, you'll know to get that person out of your life faster than a speeding bullet. Just make sure Norm doesn't punch the sucker. :)
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