Thursday, August 21, 2008

Blood counts

My blood counts are low as expected. I am starting to just expect they will be low until it's time for chemo when they magically or miraculously go back up. God has me here for a reason, I just have to figure it out. Sometimes it feels like I am supposed to suffer more, and then sometimes it feels like I am just supposed to learn how to live. My one year cancerversary is coming up in 5 days. It's almost scary, I can still say a year ago I remember whatever, before I had cancer. Soon I will need to say a year and whatever ago.It's all good, I keep hanging on, living and trying harder and harder to just make cancer leave my mind. If I can do that, then all is good.

I got to feel the hussle of rushing around last week to get things done, now things are winding down so i can take care of me. I spent half the day today looking for a certain photo which I didn't find, but I found some amazing pictures of me and norm, the grandkids and kids. It was fun going down memory lane. I have always not liked having my pictures taken until now, it's fun to find old pictures of me before I was sick and even seeing some and thinking maybe I was sick then, cuz I looked sick in some, my mind wonders how long I have had cancer, it's on my list to ask the Dr his best guess. I have been told by some for a long time, and by others short and very aggressive. Who knows, it doesn't even really matter, all that really matters is today I am alive.

We are closing in on Sarah's wedding Sept 19 and I am praying and starting to know I will be here. It is going to be amazing seeing my little girl walk down the aisle and marry the man of her dreams. I hope they have a long and wonderful life together. She's marrying her childhood sweetheart, isn't that just awesome? I hope they are always friends first no matter what. I want her to know that he is her best friend in the world, and she should share everything with him, the good, the bad and the great and even the ugly. I'm glad she has found her life companion, afterall she'll always be my little girl.... Her bridal shower is this saturday and after that I will share pics of something I made for Sarah earlier in the week. I hope she likes it, I still believe homemade gifts are best.

Rosemarie, where are you lady? I am worrying about you, since your news of a heart attack and not seeing you post. My prayers are going out that your ok and just taking extra good care of yourself.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Tami: I love weddings. I always end up crying, but of corse this is out of happiness. that is so neat that your daughter is marrying her childhood sweatheart. how romantic. you know me I weep at the drop of a hat. i weeped when I read your blog this time. can't wait to see the picture of what you made for your daughter. have a good weekend and rest up for the shower today. I hope it is a very nice one for you and your daughter. Barb

Anonymous said...

I'm here sweetie-pie Tami, I don't get to the pute too often. I'm busy following directions from the teams of Docs here in Maine. The really tuff part has been to quit smoking. Holy Crap is all I can say about that.

When it is my time to go....I want to go to the smoking section of heaven. I remember the last time Tami was in the hosp....I snickered when told she went outside to smoke. In my own little world here....I said you go girl...lol

Get those blood counts up - Tami... you are still my inspiration and I think you just might be the little angel on my shoulder too.

For gods sake ////lol.....have a ciggie for me

I have read this post over and over. I am pitiful - pathetic and a WITCHY BITCHY WHINER.

gEEZ - oh - pete, you just have to laugh when someone goes off the edge of the cliff right in front of you.

I hope the shower is going just - wonderful...how could it not be superb?

Party on.....

from Rosemary

Anonymous said...

Hey Tami,
I hope you get plenty of rest for the shower.I will be praying for you. I still cant belive that Sara is getting married.I see her as the little girl she was when you moved back to ILL.many years ago.

Hey Sara congradulations..Tami I can't wait to see the pictures.

Love You
Debora

Norm said...

The shower was great! I will post pics of the surprise I made for Sarah soon. Rosemary I am glad you are doing ok. Good luck on stopping smoking, I had quit for about 2 weeks when I was first in the hospital and would have stayed quit I believe but with the news I was given I just decided, whats the point, it's one of the only bad habits I have, may as well carry on, but good for you hon!
Debbie, I still see that little precious girl in Sarah too, all the time, how time flies huh?