The wheels on the bus go round and round

i dunno, seemed liked a good title for today. Seems like the wheels are going round and round. At moments, I can forget about this cancer and just live, and that in itself is a good thing. I wish I could go back, but can't, but know I can go forward with the lessons I have learned from this and there have been many. Life is so different now, instead of waking up in the middle of the night wondering how I am going to get all the candles poured and parties booked, I wake up for more medicine at night now. I am doing good getting myself slowly weaned from oxycodone, am still taking it every 4 hours but now down to a half most times. I am addicted to zanax and somehow that isn't going to change, they just make me feel mellow and I shake when I don't have them, so for now I will take them. Chemo has been rougher this time, as if it's a walk in the park anytime. The nausea, fever and just generally not feeling good has continued on. My memory is getting worse, and sometimes I wonder if I just forget how bad chemo was last time. Good news is I still have my hair! I do see some hair loss but not much. I almost want to say I know this chemo is working but am so afriad to say anything out loud for fear of jinxing myself. It is almost easier not getting a scan. I got my scan scheduled today for July 14th.

Kathy, thank you for a comment you made a long time ago about peppermints helping your stomach, they definitely work for my nausea! Actually thank all of you who comment on my blog, your positive comments help me so much. Rosemary and Brenda your words are encouraging, I feel like you are my co workers cept I am off work right now:) Barb and Jackie, it is so nice to know your in my corner, hopefully Barb I will get to see you for my scan. Lounge queen your words are very insightful for me. It's so funny how you can pull strength from people that you have never met and for me alot of you I have never met but feel like we've known each other for a long time. Nancy, the lasagna was awesome, thank you so much, your so much fun! Brandi, what can I say, your the girl! Amish harvest will be back Aug 1, are you gonna book a party? I am actually going to start trying to book some fall candle parties in the next few weeks. I promised my sister fall would be knock her socks off busy with candle and I gotta make sure it is. Nancy gave me a awesome suggestion for a candle, my fav scent and my fav color and call it Tami's Cancerkickin candle. I think we are going to do it, and fall time is perfect as it has my all time favorite scent. If I have missed anyone, I am sorry, it's my memory really. I love all of you. When I started this blog, it was my way of just documenting what I was going thru and being able to just write down my feelings, it has grown from there to a somewhere out there other family and I am thankful I have each of you to encourage me in this mess we call cancer.

Most importantly, I have fired Norm as pool boy! Well, not fired, but will have to watch him much closer. We took the cover off to find crystal clear water surrounded by green walls, so norm was busted for not brushing the pool good enough. I swear I have to keep my eye on him constantly, men ya know how they are anyways.


Lastly, I realized today that I have had 15 rounds of chemo and have successfully passed the 10 month mark since my diagnosis. Most of it seems like such a blur, and then so many parts still seem like a stab in the chest, so fresh. I keep thinking a year ago I had no idea how much my world was going to change, and then think, God let me make it past the one year mark and then the two year mark, God, let me keep being able to fight this disease and continue to live. Sometimes, it's just scary how unpredictable life can be... it's so easy to get caught up in the what ifs and why me's, and then other times it's thank you God for my wonderful family and for teaching me so much along the way of life