It must be tough being on the other side

I will never know the other side of this disease thankfully. I will never have to watch someone I love go thru this. I have known the other side many many years ago when I lost my Mom to cancer, but I was just a child then. I can't imagine how it must feel for anyone who knows me. I know that everyone handles it differently, I have friends that have never called, I have friends that called once, I have friends that call alot. I have family that connects constantly and I have family that connects once in a while. I have a husband that has to live with this daily. I really wasn't directing my last post towards my husband, just in general.

This must be a fine balancing act as far as my needs, somedays I can't handle regular things, and somedays I can. This must be so tough on those around me to try to figure out if today is a day I need to be needed or today is a day I can't handle any more, if today is a day I can do it all by myself or if today is a day that I need help.

Let me share a little about me and Norm. We met via the internet over 13 years ago. We talked for hours and hours, after many months of talking we met, I knew before I ever laid my eyes on Norm that I was in love with him, that he was my knight in shining armor. I put Norm on a pedestal so high no one could reach. Don't get me wrong, everyone is human and Norm hasn't been a exception to that but he has always been a loving caring husband whom I love dearly. He has put up with alot from me, the excess baggage I brought to our relationship and even my stubborn i dont need anyone attitude at times, but Norm has hung with me througout it all. he has always supported my dreams encouraging me along the way. Norm has been my angel on earth. My diagnosis of cancer has to be the worst thing Norm has ever been through and It has taken awhile, just as anything new does, but he has learned what I need and when I need it. He knows when to leave the dirty dishes waiting for me, and knows when to just take care of them. For a long time after my diagnosis, Norm felt he just needed to be strong for me and tucked his emotions away. He didn't want to put his emotions onto me, he thought I couldnt handle it. norm hid out from us, but pretended everything was ok, he has learned that I still am his wife and still need his emotions and can still handle his emotions. For awhile Norm acted like everything was under control, I suppose that was all he could handle at the time. He told everyone I was just fine when asked how I was even though he knew I wasn't just fine, perhaps to make it in his mind that I was ok. For a while he tucked it all away, he opened up to the wrong people when everyone close would have understood better. Again, no one is perfect and he wanted to protect those closest to him from his fears, his feelings. he knows now that he can open up to anyone in the family because they have the same fears, the same feelings he does. He knows I need his emotions to justify my own emotions. He said to me once, but they get to go home, how could they possibley understand? He was right the rest of my family does get to go home, so it makes it even tougher on Norm, or maybe somedays even luckier, as he gets to or has to be around me all the time. I know now that most days he feels luckier that he gets to be with me all the time. I know now that Norm gets "it" and just needs the same thing I do, to know that I still love him and need him in my life. Cancer can not change the relationship I have with him or he has with me and finally we have been able together to show that. I am so thankful for him in my life. Norm has learned to balance on the tight wire of our life. I am so happy that he finally got the courage to jump on that wire. I am so glad he is in my life, I hate putting anyone thru this, but am glad I get to have Norm by my side, Most of all, I am glad he just gets it now, I can't imagine letting this disease take away my best friend in life, before my life is done. I know that when I take my last breath, my best friend will be there. I can't imagine what I would do without him, and am glad I never have to imagine. He's my friend, my lover, my husband and I am the luckiest girl in the world for having him by my side. I'm so proud, he's mine. I can share anything with Norm and he knows he can share anything with me. We know that cancer will not beat the relationship we have. We have each other and that is enough. little did we know that our song, Nothing else matters would be so profound even in this point in our lives,

I share and dedicate the words from our song, Nothing else matters from Metallica to my husband Norm
So close no matter how far
Couldn't be much more from the heart
Forever trust in who we are
And nothing else matters
Never opened myself this way
Life is ours, we live it our way
All these words I don't just say
And nothing else matters
Trust I seek and I find in you
Every day for us something new
Open mind for a different view
And nothing else matters
Never cared for what they do
Never cared for what they know
But I know
So close no matter how far
Couldn't be much more from the heart
Forever trust in who we are
And nothing else matters
Never cared for what they do
Never cared for what they know
But I know
I Never opened myself this way
Life is ours, we live it our way
All these words I don't just say
And nothing else matters
Trust I seek and I find in you
Every day for us something new
Open mind for a different view
And nothing else matters
Never cared for what they say
Never cared for games they play
Never cared for what they do
Never cared for what they know
And I know
So close no matter how far
Couldn't be much more from the heart
Forever trust in who we are
No, nothing else matters