Just feeling blahhh today

I just feel depressed today. I want things to be the way they used to be. I don't like this new normal, not one bit. I am so thankful for everyone that helps me out, calls me and is there for me, but I want things to go back to normal. My family is incredible at helping me out. I have wonderful humans in my life, I just want things to go back to normal... I want to help myself instead of having everyone there to help me. I have always been a private kinda person and I have always been the brains behind the operation, the one that figures out a solution for every problem.. and here I am being helped daily. Don't get me wrong, I am so grateful for the help I get, I am just so sad for the circumstance.

I want to wake up and not have the first thought that pops into my head be cancer. Cancer took my Mom away from me when I was just 14 years old, why do I have to have cancer now? Didn't I go thru enough losing my Mom at such a young age?