A great weekend

I had a wonderful weekend. My Sister Debbie came down on friday, she always makes me smile even when I feel my worst. We shopped a little and had lunch.
Saturday my kids held a birthday bash for me and it was a lot of fun. I cried my eyes out at the cards they gave me. I love my kids so much and I know how hard this is on all of them. They are so strong in front of me, but I know it is on their minds always. I hate being a worry to them. I am trying really hard to be strong but some days it's not possible. I get upset over the silliest things sometimes, like watching the race last night and wondering if I would get to see another race.

I am going thru the phantom fever for the last two days. It feels to me like I am running a fever, I am hot to my own touch and freezing cold, but my temperature is 98.2. My temperature has been running 97 since this drama began and who knows why. Some say it is called tumor fever where the tumor puts off heat when it dies, I pray this is it.

My leg muscles aren't sore anymore to walk on so I am thankful for that. I just want these tumors to disapear.
I think, well I know I have a short attention span and I am to the point I want this cancer nightmare to be over. Of coarse, I can't just make that happen right this second so it is taking it's toll on my emotions.

Life can be over in a heartbeat, always remember to tell those you love how much you love them. I pray every day that I can beat this cancer. I talked to a friend today who has cancer and it has spread to her liver. I feel so bad for her, they say she only has 6 months. I told her NO DR is God. I hope she chooses to fight. For now, I choose to fight and I am going to continue to fight. I deserve it and so does everyone around me...when I look into my grandsons eyes, I wonder how I could possibly ever give up.