The way it used to be

First of all I notice there have been very few comments on my blog, I am sorry it is like a train wreck where you just have to look but can't utter the words. As my pastor said the other day, sometimes people just don't know what to say. For those that still comment thank you, your comments continue to make my day. For those of you that just don't know what to say, just say Hi, It's ok, I wouldn't know what to say either.

I had a dream this morning that I was working at Dixie, busting my butt, stressing out. Damn I miss those days. I miss my candle business so much it brings me to tears. I miss being busy, the hustle and bustle of normal life. When things get crazy in your life, don't dread it welcome it, you never know when it will all be in the past. I wish so badly I was making candles, preparing for candle parties and taking all those candle calls I used to get. I miss finding new scents and I miss my customers. Don't take a second of life for granted, take time to enjoy what you are doing.
These days it's Dr appts, CT scans, sleep, pain and the uncertainty of the future. That's whats on my agenda. Live life while you still have it in front of you, love those kids, hug those grandkids, and kiss that husband, never miss a chance to tell everyone how important they are in your life.

I have a ct scan on tuesday so am nervous about that. What will it show, does it even matter? Will this Dr have a new diagnosis for me? I read last night about someone that was diagnosed with small cell neuroendocrine cancer and when they went to a specialist in carcinoid cancer, they were rediagnosed, the pathologist hadn't stained the slide for carcenoid and they werent sick as they should have been, pretty sad when I am wishing for a "better" kind of cancer. This just plain sucks, there are no words to describe it.

My husband and my kids are starting to realize that it is what it is, in a way I am glad as they need to realize it and in another way i just want to sheild them from it all. I just want cancer to go away, I wish this cancer would run for the hills so I don't feel like I need to.

A few thank you's I need to get in that are long overdue. Nancy, thank you so much for the spa blanket, it is wonderful, and you are so sweet. Jackie, thank you so much for lighting a luminary for me in California at the relay for life there. You are precisious to me. Laurie, Sherri and Sarah thank you for continuing to believe so strongly in Grubbyland Candles by taking on those candle parties. My sisters, Debbie and Sherry, thank you so much for calling me every day, thank you for taking me to Dr appt's and overnite trips. Thanks Debbie for rushing to St Louis just because i needed a bully to get the message across to the Drs. Sherry, thank you for slaving over the hot wax pot to continue my dream in Grubbyland Candles. Thank you Norm for every day you help me to live, I'm sorry I made you make all of this real in your mind, but I had to, it's just not fair for you to endure this alone, I love you all forever.

Please pray for me to be able to continue to put my faith in God, I know he has a plan for me, I have to continue to trust him and know he will carry me through all of this and if in the end I am too sick, he will take me to heaven,