CT Scan tomorrow

Well as I sit here enjoying my first quart of barium, I thought I should post. Unfortunately, the computer and even my home have become the cancer computer and cancer h0use. We bought our house a few years ago and totally remodeled it and I loved my house, now everywhere I look, I see reminders of cancer. I want so badly to put away all the cancer records, sterile pads, medicines, appt cards, but it's not to be so I enjoy getting out of the house. The computer has become my research tool for cancer, most emails are from newgroups about cancer.. Could be worse I suppose.

I am scared for tomorrows ct scan, afraid it will show massive cancer but encouraged it will just show those two places on my liver. I have grown this fear of Dr's, seems all they do is tell me how bad it is. I pray for good results on my ct scan on wednesday and pray even harder that this specialist will give us something to hope for. I was talking to my friend Liz tonite and I told her it's like we are waiting for the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. It wasn't 30 minutes later, it rained and out popped a rainbow, please let this be a sign. We are running out of chances to find that pot of gold. I just wanna keep fighting this disease back, that's all I want to do. I refuse to believe God brought me all this way to drop me on my head now.

Thanks for your comments, they really do help me to make it through the day somedays. Nancy H if you read this can you please send me your email address again? I have lost it and know you changed it to a new one.
Thanks everyone for your continued prayers, if anyone can get me through this, it is God. He has all the answers