8th Chemo complete

This round of chemo is different than the last, I almost immediately felt nauseated and it continued into the second day. My throat and mouth started bothering me on day 3. I have this pressure pain that started on sunday and continues on and off. It is on my left side. My Dr says as long as something doesn't stay, not to be concerned about it. He was vague again this time, which he seems to be every other time. Maybe it's just me. I asked him again about the difference in opinion on the ct scans and even though he was supposed to be checking from the first one, he said well it's just different perceptions. huh???? The numbness in my hands and feet are staying with me now, rather than going away. My Dr hasn't had time to contact the surgeon in St. Louis, says probably next week. Lord give me patience. I am glad he has all the time in the world, but I don't. I guess my impatience shows up sometimes, but then I think, why shouldn't it?

I am nervous about the next week. Next week, I hope we get some doors opened for us, some options with going to Chicago, I am also waiting to hear back from Mayo's surgeon. I am also looking at MD anderson in houston. They are the leader in cancer. I just feel like maybe I am the one missing the point. I am lucky to be alive, and it seems those around me don't question the Dr's so maybe they already know the inevitable.. but all I have is hope and I have to keep striving for life

My Dr also ordered a pet scan after I told him how surprised Chicago was that I hadn't had one. Funny how I have been asking since day one for a pet scan and they wouldn't give me one, Sometimes he plays follow the leader, scares me sometimes. So now I am scared bout the pet scan, what if it shows more cancer, but then again, what if it shows less? I read now that even pet scans can show false readings, Wouldn't ya think by now, they would have a way to know what is and isn't cancer? What if I only have cancer in my colon? I can dream, and I do. I told my husband, wouldn't it be neat if I went and found out I just have cancer in my colon and they could just do surgery and I would be healed?

Some days I just have to put my cancer in a drawer, it has become a obsession and sometimes I just have to put it away for the day.
Thank you for your continued prayers, I pray that I am with the right Dr's and they can do something to rid me of this nasty thing we call cancer. This week, I have felt guilty about putting my loved ones thru this. It's not fair to them. It's just not fair, but I guess that's the way life works. Norm seems to just gel with the situation, he is my rock and I am thankful for him. My baby daughter even knows to just say it's ok Mom, when I have the chemo crys. I want to be there for her so much more than my body will allow me to. I never ever once stopped to think what happens when your mind is strong but your body is weak, I know that feeling now. I laugh at the times in the past that I said I just didn't have the energy, HA! I would love to have that energy that I didn't feel I had in the past. Sometimes my body just stops