I know everyone, not just here on this blog has said I should change something or that change has helped them, I don't know if its just me, or maybe a guy thing, but I hate change, least change that interferes or shakes up my life in any little way.
I mean even this blog, this was Tami's blog, and now I am using it for myself, I know she wanted me to do this, and on a number of days said that this is how she wanted me to carry on the blog and express my feelings (I think it helped her and I think she thought it would help me), but I rather log on and read what she is feeling, doing or whatever she felt like posting on any given day.
There is a lighter sitting in my bathroom (Tami had her bathroom, I had mine) sitting in that bathroom that she left in there the last time she lit a smoke in there, I clean around it or move it over a little depending on what I am doing, but I dont want it to move. Tami's dress she wore to Sarah's wedding is still in the chair she laid it down in. I have 2 cell phones because I don't know what to do about Tami's voice mail greeting. I could make that phone my own and keep the greeting as Tami's Grubbyland Candles greetings, but then I cant call and hear it either. Do I keep a phone with a greeting of Tami's, do I let it go. I dont know. So I continue to pay for 2 cell phones knowing Tami would be pissed to know I am still paying for both when I dont have to. The list goes on....
The worst change is the change I cant control. The fact that she isn't down the hall making candles, or naping on the couch. The fact that nobody is coming over today to see her so I am not going to have any visitors today. Nobody is going to call me and ask me how she is doing so I wont get any calls. It's like I am stuck in a moment in time and everyone else just kept moving forward and I have no frackin clue how to catch up to everyone. I dont know how to move forward. She isn't here to tell me what is next.
Before, I can remember stealing a minute to play on the computer or watch a show I had recorded, now I have so much free time I dont know what to do with myself, its not like there isn't things I could do around here, but I cant focus, I seriously think I am losing my mind. Tami needed me so much in the end, and now nobody needs me. I can come and go as I please. I have no where to go.
Psychic Kids
14 years ago
7 comments:
Norm: please understand and don't take offense at this but please let yourself grieve. it takes a while. then maybe find yourself a fun hobby that you enjoy. but take your time. everyone needs that grieving time. even if it means to just have a good cry. hey I still do that and my sister has been gone almost five years now and Dad has been gone almost a year. I love your new idea of WWTD. go for it. she was a very wise woman and certainly taught me a lot. please feel free to call us anytime. Barb and Dale
First of all, Tonto, we still need you, so I just wanted to get that straight! ;) Second, everything that you are going through and feeling is okay Norm. Everyone goes through a different process. I had several days that were just fine, then Korban brought home a daffodil from school and I LOST IT!!! We talk about her alot. Sometimes we laugh, sometimes we cry, but we still do it. There is no formula.
Finally, I want to challenge you to something soon. Please please please make friends and do stuff with them. Buddies from work or whatever. Not saying we don't want you around, but friend meet a different need, and I think it would be very good for you to develop some great friendships w/ some guys you can go out and have a drink with, catch supper, etc...
Anywho, that's just my 2 cents. Now...I just have to run some errands then come and get my kids from you, praying they aren't too hopped up on m&ms! lol!
We love ya!
K
It's only been three weeks Norm. You have to let yourself have this time to grieve. It's painful and my heart hurts for you.
After my husband died I found myself driving home every night (half hour) putting music on and crying all the way home. By the time I got home I was ok - not great, but ok.
This might be the time when you want to find that grief group. They have been where you are now and can help. There are stages to grieving and it takes time. You will know if it's not ok by the third meeting or so.
I get the feeling that you think you should be ok by now and that's just not going to happen yet.
It is lonely! It's still lonely for me. That is a big, big loss and I wish dearly that I could make you understand that those of us who have gone through it know that you cannot feel better in 3 short weeks. But you will find your routine eventually. Work helps, stuff to do at home, even laundry helps.
You are doing ok. I love that you write your feelings - that's a great outlet.
God Bless
Hugs,
Marie
Norm
Lizzie here. I tried calling you Saturday on home phone and tamis, I keep losing your number. You are putting way to high epectaions on yourself. You are normal in the sence that you don't know what to do or feel or how to spend your free time. My dad had recorded the greeting on my parents home phone mom left it that way for months. Then she pulled ot the tape one day put in a new one and said its time for my voice and I'll save the tape with dads voice to hear whenever. Being a guy dosnt make you exemp from crying, being sad or any of those type of emotins. I suggest to you that you find a spoue greiving group or whatever it may be called. Totally ok many people are going through what you are all over. Talking with people you dont really know is ok and you may come out of those meeting wih some really cool friends. Church is a place that you can be around other people and still have your time. There is a whole new set of people waiting for you at church, youll meet friends have a wonderful feeling when you go and it stays with ou all week. There is projects and such that churchs get involved with where you will be NEEDED. Norm i am so serious that you can call me. I wasnt just tamis friend I am your to. Keep writing it is a good release and we all want tpo help you. Its a great step putting your feeling in writing.
Ill talk to you soon
Liz
Change sucks. But it is part of life...
Some people just take a deep breath and jump into the cold water, some will ease into it one toe at a time. Figure out which one you are, and then prepare for the deep breath, or find some "toes" you can start to dip in.
Good luck.
-- the lounge queen
What you are feeling I think is quite normal under the circumstances. There are stages in dealing with death - I don't think I quite made it all the way through them myself. If it makes you feel more normal - I still put on Ted's coat - it has his scent ... it helps me get through at times. I do it less, but I still do it - he will be gone 7 years in July. It's ok to not move Tami's dress .... there might be a time you will - it's a way of feeling closer to her. I understand. Just because she died, Ted died - we did not stop loving them. Hang in there.
Nanc
Today just hang in there Norm. That's my wish for you. One day at a time.
Hugs,
Marie
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