Well maybe it's time to not be so depressing on this blog. I mean I dont feel horrible 24/7. Now that is not to say I dont miss Tami like mad 24/7, but I dont think I honor her by feeling sorry for myself 24/7. The picture I included here was taken back in the beginning of time for me and Tami. Her first trip up to Canada to see me. This specific picture was taken at Chilliwack Lake, Britsh Columbia. This was at the back of the lake where my family camped many times when I was a kid. The back of the Lake is no longer accessible by car, but at this time we could still get there. Tami loved the mountains and the county up there. In fact I would go as far as to say she made me appreciate what beauty I had up there and just took for granted on a daily basis. Isn't that a life lesson for us all, lets not stop earning from Tami. Make sure you appreciate all the beauty in your life around you at all times, taken nothing for granted.
Tami's first visit up there was a lot of fun. Sarah came up with her. And for a side note, the picture above was taken moments before I got Sarah mad at me for the very first time as well. The note to self taken that day was "Throwing little girl in lake funny once, not so funny second time." It was fun sharing something like that with Tami (and Sarah and I dont mean making Sarah mad at me either :)) and I am glad I was able to do that. Oh there is many more things I wish I could have done with Tami, but I was able to do a lot with her as well.Anyways, I think that I probably will try out a grief support group. Someone at work lost their wife about 2 months before me and really recommended how much it is helping him out. I will at the very least give it a go. The past week has shown me that I really don't have a firm grasp on what I am doing or where I am going. And after a particularly scary night last Sunday on a personal level, I think I need to at least try other avenues.
I got to spend a bunch of time with Sarah this weekend, she has proven well in becoming a backup moral compass for me, meaning when I am about to do something stupid she isn't afraid to tell me so. She is a lot like her mom and that is something for her to be very proud of.
Sunday is proving to be the toughest day to get thru, not so much during the day, but the evening. I guess it's sort of the wind down day, everyone is settling in for the week ahead, its harder to find a distraction to keep me occupied. Chances are good that Sunday evening will be a day I am guaranteed to have to get thru on my own.
The song of the day is Fly to the Angels by Slaughter and the lyrics here, here is a small sample:
Pictures of you--
oh, theyre still on my mind--
you had the smile--
that could light up the world--
now it rains--
it seems the sun never shines--
and I drive--
down--
this lonely lonely road--
oooo I got this feelin'--
girl I gotta let you go--
(Chorus)--
'cause now youve got to fly--
(fly high)--
fly to the angels--
heaven awaits your heart--
and flowers bloom in your name--
you've got to fly--
(fly high)--
fly to the angels--
all the stars in the night--
shine in your name--
6 comments:
Thanks for sharing such great memories w/ us Norm! Don't forget how close we are by phone or car on lonely days...
Very proud of you that you are willing to try grief counseling, and I know Tami would be too. She would want us learning how to live every second of life in a worth-while way, and don't forget that she is still holding your heart and hand through this healing process...Pastor Greg put the healing concept into perfect words for me, telling me that "peace and healing does NOT mean forgetting...it means remembering without as much pain!"
I hope you have a blessed week, and God and Tami reveal themselves to you in a remarkable way!
Hugs!
Kristi, Squirt, and Booga
Norm - You are doing the right thing - remembering the love and the good times ... I believe Tami would like that. Hang in there!
Nanc
Yes the weekends are bad I agree. Everyone has family things going on and you are alone. Well most of the time I am anyway. I am always glad when I have found something to do after church in the morning. It's hard to fill your life without the one you love.
I love that picture of Tami by the lake. She looks so young, healthy and happy. I never did know how long you two were married. Still don't.
Good luck on the grief counseling. It might be a little soon but you will know after you start. Don't be afraid to take a vacation from it if it's not working for you yet. You can always try again.
Hang in there Norm.
Hugs,
Marie
Wonderful pictures, thanks for sharing. I think the grief counseling is a great idea; and I am glad to hear that you are having some good times too in between. Take care.
-- the lounge queen
Beautiful memories and photos. Thanks for continuing to share with us. I think of you often and you continue to be in my prayers.
Jackie
It was so good to read your posts, I can't believe how long it has been already. I think of you both - and still so very often.
I know this might sound so odd to you, about the "sign" from Tami that you are hoping for. It might be something you least expect, and for sure it won't be when you need it or want it....ask me how I know that! -g Anyway - My Mom passed away 7 years ago, she loved birds, birdfeeding, and watched them for hours while sitting at the kitchen table. The bright red cardinal was her fave...and when I asked her why that particular one...she said that with her failing eyesight - she could identify that one in a heartbeat.
I think I have had other signs from my Mom in the past few years....but when we finally got to Florida late last November...I did a special prayer/request to my Mom - to ask her help for me to feel better. Had pneumonia, flu and was so short of breath - thought I was close to more heart attacks because of being so short of breath. Said - Mom - please help...can't do this on my own!! the next morning I went to the front window...and there at the end of the deck was a cardinal sitting on my flip-flop. I watched him for the longest time, couldn't believe how long he stayed there. I know it was a hug from my Mom, to also let me know she was near whenever I needed her.
Norm , here's a hug from Rosemary
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