Sorry, I should have posted this much sooner, in my defense Bromenn was slow to get it online as well. On the 17th Suezette Lorriane was born. I know Tami was there for it, but its still tough, she was always excited about grandbabies, but she had a special tingle in her heart for grandbaby girls.
Right now I am sitting here sucking back a Molson Canadian, I haven't had one of these in years. Still my favorite beer and was nice to find I could get it down here. It's been 3 weeks today, I am still having trouble thinking that Tami is not around somewhere, that she is not somewhere, where I could go find here or call her or anything. I find myself wanting to go places where I did things with Tami in the hopes of getting that rush of memories. Here in the family room where she passed, I just find it hard to imagine she isn't down the hall making candles or watching TV just out of sight. I certainly cant wrap my mind around the fact that I have a simple little wooden box sitting on the ledge here in the family room. I cant relate it to Tami in anyway.
My parents leave for home on Tuesday, its been so great having them here although I am starting to fear Tuesday night, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday.... etc. I have never lived truly alone, I don't know that most people have, you were either with your family, spouse, roommate, whatever. I am not sure where things are going to go. So much is already starting to happen, and I ask Tami for advice, but she hasn't answered yet, so I have to figure out the right things to do for problems big and small that seem to be popping up.
Work just went thru more layoffs, just seems like everything has went to shit all at once, it would be nice to have some time to catch my breath, but I suppose that wont happen for awhile. Life never did seem to care about slowing down. I just hope from here out I make the right decisions for me and the kids, that I make Tami proud. I cant really fill the void she left, but I hope I can keep from creating a larger one. I miss her love, I know everyone says its still there, but to know Tami you would know its not, she made me feel so good just with a simple word or look. She kept me grounded and focused, she was my moral compass, now I have to find my way without her.
Well, beer is done, time for bed. Kids are coming over again tomorrow for a little cook out.
Psychic Kids
14 years ago
5 comments:
Congrats, Grandpa. She is beautiful. Life goes on,doesn't it. Many more ups and downs, smiles and tears to come and go. Here's wishing you memories and happiness.
Thinking of you.
Jackie
I have purposely not logged onto the blog for selfish reasons - losing Tami and reading what Norm writes brings back my own pain, my own loss. I wish I could protect Norm - I know that when others stop grieving it will be him - others of course - but mainly him that will alone grieve. Things will hit you out of the blue and people will think you are strange - like what is up with him? It has to be easier for a woman - we are socially allowed to cry - well if we do, they chalk it up to being a woman. So Norm, know that if you need someone to talk to in the wee hours - call me, I understand and you know I will be up. Advice? Hang in there - time does make it easier, but never erases the love so remember Tami with happiness - she would want it that way.
Nanc
Congratulations, it's nice to be a grandparent -- you get to play with them and spoil them, and as soon as they start crying, you hand them back to mom. All the fun and none of the responsibilities. Enjoy!
-- the lounge queen
Hey Norm,
I know some days it's hard to put one foot in front of the other. I know sometimes it's hard just to go through the motions of the mundane things that life requires. I also know what a blessing it is that we have you to provide wonderful memories of Tami for us. I watched some of "the video." ...and I have to be honest, I laughed hysterically WAY more than I cried! Thanks for sharing such a gift w/ us kids!
Kristi and the kids
Congratulations on the new baby in your family! That's a wonderful gift isn't it?
Hang in there, you are doing ok. I am thinking about the steps you are going through right now. It's still so fresh in my mind.
Hope you are sleeping some too.
Hugs,
Marie
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