Is the glass half full or half empty?

The title of my post says it all. Yesterday was a tough day. Follow ups with both surgeons and the new oncologist in St Louis. First off to the colon surgeon, yea I can eat what I want, she removed about a foot of my colon, she got all the cancer in my colon. I don't have to pack my incision anymore just cover it. then I ask for a copy of the pathology report, she says are you sure you want that? Umm yes I do.
Next to the liver surgeon, I have probably had this cancer a long time, yes as the pathology report says they did also take my gall bladder out just as a routine thing, yes they took places off my diapragm. Shes the one that said sirsperes for the couple tumors she couldn't get off my liver, she said talk to the oncologist, perhaps at a later date a surgery to resect my bladder since that is where the other tumor had to be left. I left there filling like I had been, thank god they had taken off so much cancer, so much cancer that wasn't in my body anymore, umpteen down<14> thats the number of specimens they took from my body, 3 to go, wahoo!
Surprised since none of my family had been told about cancer on my diaphram, my gall bladder being removed, and a few other things, then the horrid thought of did my family lie to me to keep me hanging on? This is how crazy I have become all because of cancer!

Than the oncologist, why is it they can kick you in the teeth so easily and it is a slow burn, you don't really feel it for hours and then it hurts like hell? She said I probably shouldnt have had the surgery, this is a very very rare kind of cancer, so rare they haven't did clinical trials on it because it is so rare, they don't really know, and then the punch in the gut, since everything they took off was cancer, she feels there is much more microscopically in my body, sirspheres wlould only target the liver. Chemo, nasty chemo is my option to target everything, It may work, it may not. blah blah blah..,..
The pathology report says that even though it appears to be primary colon cancer that since it is small cell neuroendocrine that is usually seen in the lungs, that can't be ruled out, hellooooooo my lungs are clear.
So I don't know if my glass is half full or half empty. one, yes just ONE tumor from the pathology report showed treatment with dead cancer cells, thats one out of 14, does that mean this is an aggressive cancer and it all grew in the month I was off chemo before surgery? Does that mean the pet scan just didn't show it? At $7 grand each, wouldn't you expect it to show what is actually there? Shouldn't I be thrilled that they took all that cancer out of me? What do I do? My mind runs wild with options, one of which is run for the hills, just run far far away, The more time I spend thinking about cancer, the crazier I get, who wouldn't? I have been thru all of this and I can't get a solid answer on it still, why is that? Why, someone please tell me why? What happens to all this money that goes for cancer research? I have been to some of the best places in the U.S and they just don't know. Did I go thru 7 months of chemo on the wrong chemo>? Remember Mayo said the chemo wouldn't work if it was neuroendocrine cancer? Am I just a goner and I don't know when to give up? Like I said, is that glass half full or half empty"?? All I know is I am tired of cancer, there is nothing I hate more than cancer, and damn it after all I have been thru shouldn't they have some answers for me?