Up and down

This has been a unexpected tough week. Mayo called me on Monday since we had sent up the ct and pet scan for them to look at. She said they feel that there hasn't been anymore shrinkage in my tumors and that perhaps it is time to look at stopping chemo or going to a oral pill chemo and seeing what happens with my symptoms from last chemo. She also said she talked to two different surgeons and they both agreed there is just too many tumors to do surgery. I felt like I had been stomped on again. Last round of chemo was really tough, and with every round of chemo I come home and tell Norm, no more chemo, I can't take it, so with mayo calling, it was like be careful what you wish for, ugh!!!!
Norm reasoned with me that the ct and pet scans had only been done a little less than a month since the last ct scan so we shouldn't show shrinkage.

We went to Dr Miga's yesterday and asked him what we should do. I said I don't know when chemo is too rough, I just know I don't want to stop chemo if there is a chance it is working. He seemed as dumb struck as we were since he said he had talked to my doc at Mayo and my options were left open. He said it is possible that we wouldn't see any shrinkage in less than the month and I should continue chemo as originally planned and get a ct scan in March. I just pray that chemo isn't too rough next week. I read so much on colon cancer and it seems that it becomes intolerable or the oxalyplatinum becomes intolerable much sooner than where I am at, so that is a good thing. He said I would know when chemo was too much because I woudn't do the bounce back, I would continue to feel like crap. He said, let's face it chemo is like going thru hell..

I know we are entering a new phase as chemo usually goes for 12 rounds, next week will be number 11. He did say we could just switch chemo without taking a break, if I could tolerate it, if that is what I need. I am putting my faith in God, because he is the only one that truly knows. Somedays I call all the Dr's used car salespeople, I feel that they just want to keep my business, and then somedays like today, I realize they are just human as am I, and know they don't have the answer, but I am thankful my new local oncologist is always positive, he even said to me, we aren't seeing growth in your tumors, everything is ok at this point, so I just have to go with it for now and pray that I can get thru the next two rounds of chemo. I have a ct scan scheduled for March 3.

I am so lucky to have such a wonderful family. I can't count the times they have been there for me, somedays I am just plain crazy out of my mind, and they continue to be there. I remember a day back in early August when us three sisters went to Wisconisn and I remember saying how lucky we were to all be healthy and have kids and grandkids that were healthy, little did I know then. I am so thankful that I can now say both my sisters and my brother had colonoscopys and other than some polyps that were removed, they are ok. I told them all in the beginning that I would take the bullet for all of us, and I am glad I did, I can't even imagine if this happened to one of them...