Just a update

I have had a few people ask for me to update so thought I would. This chemo is alot better than the last chemo, I have had temperature fluctuations this time, down to 94.5 and then back up to my usual these days of 97.7. I have also had on and off nausea I assume from this new chemo. I am also losing lots more of my hair, it comes out in handfuls now if I run my fingers thru my hair. Hats are in my future. I have been having a little pain the last couple of days which of coarse makes me wonder if my tumors are growing instead of shrinking with this new chemo.

I faxed my records off to sloan ketterling hospital in new york, they are supposed to be the top dogs in cancer. The nurse from there called me yesterday to tell me they couldn't give me an appt. She said I had already been to two great places and I should just go with what they say, which is no surgery. I read all the time about people that have unresectable livers but after chemo they become resectable, I am not sure if I am just in the wrong line or maybe I just refuse to accept no surgery is my best option. I still have an appt at Barnes In St Louis in March and I am going, maybe it will just be another opinion and maybe it will be my miracle.

I am sorry I am always so negative on here, that is why it is so hard to post anymore, I want everyone around me to remember me strong and I don't even know how that will happen anymore. It is so hard to accept a diagnosis of death In a very profound words from my husband I asked him if he realized I was dying, he responded with" do you realize your still living?" Pretty profound and it has given me a lot to think about, he is right I am still living. One more reason I love him so very much, he keeps me real, he keeps me grounded and even yesterday his response was oh well, we just move on. He is going to start emailing some Dr's in hopes that maybe one will see a glimmer of hope and respond. I guess life is just like death in the fact that I can not comprehend what is going on now anymore than I can comprehend what heaven will be like. I feel like a ant sometimes, so small compared to what it's really all about. I thank God for being given the gift of today, no one including me is promised tomorrow. The bible says everything is in God's perfect plan, if I wait I will see his plan. Again, I feel so small in this massive thing called life.