I came home yesterday. This will be a short post as my energy just isnt there. The mere thought of walking to the bathroom exhausts me. For now at least I am on hospice, my dr sugar coated it to make it sound better but basidally, they will come out a few times a week try to make me confortable with pain meds, but there will be no intervention of ny kind, if I get dehydrated, whatever, they will not do anything to stop the process of dying. I have so much pressure in my rectum and vagina. Pain free is not a term I wilkl probably ever be able to use. They installed a magic wand pain pump that neeeds to be adjusted by a Dr, also installed a drain to drain off fluid from my abdomen, all measures of comfort. I have enjyed 17 months of ife I wouldnt have had, but I give that credit to God and to my family. It is funny how fast cancer can take over with these very aggressive tumors. Time is short now and again all I can say is I miss yesterday. Please live life while you still hve it. Thank you to everyone for helping me along my road of life.
Happy Anniversary norm, who would have known that 14 years after we met, we would be going thru this? I am just glad I got to be here with you today. I love you Norm, that willl never change.
We are on a please volunteer if you can basis now, I am terrified of being alone so we are looking for volunteers to come and sit eith me while Norm works, Monday thru thursday 5 am til 3 pm. Norm takes such good cre of me. I am so sorry to everyone Ihave put thru this horrible disease. but appreciate so much the help you have been to me.
Hospice means no more hospital or Dr visits, just let the disease run it's final coarse, so opposite of who I am, but know I hve no choice except to accept it and be grateful for what I have been given, oh so many blessings even in my situation. Time to think of my journey that lies ahead. How will I ever do this without Norm? I know God has the answers, but how can I do this without my best friend in the world? How could I do this to him? I love him so very much. His parents are coming down in two weeks, I can't wait to see them, but at the same time, know it will be the last time here on earth. If timing comes out, they will be here for Norm, but once again even the timing of this is up to God. Please pray I can hold on until they get here, Norm is going to need them so bad. I realized today that my Mom got to have her Mom with her when she passed, Norms mom is just like My Mom, so hopefully I will get to have a Mom to be with me, but more importantly to be here for Norm.
May your road of life be filled with love, laughter and full of family and friends.
Psychic Kids
14 years ago
22 comments:
Many prayers for you and your family Tami. You are so brave and given us all an important lesson on life. Smile up high for you are in many ways lucky to be on this journey with so many people surrounding you who love you so.
God Bless.
Tami, we have never met, yet I feel I know you. You have given so much to me, I have learned many of lifes lessons. I have grown thru your illiness...and I thank you. I believe Christ is with you...dwelling inside of you and drawing you closer to Him each day. I do not know where you live so I cannot offer to come and be with you...but I can pray for you for strength to endure these days ahead. Love from Mt. Zion~
Tami, I have never met you but you are such a strong woman. God Bless you and your family and friends. My prayers are with you. Christ is with you today and always. He is filling your heart and spirit with His love. I pray for you Tami. God Loves You.
Tami thanks so much for posting. It was good to hear from you although I am crying as I type. I pray that your pain will be minimal and you will get some time with your in-laws. What a blessing to have a MIL like that...I can't imagine.
You've really changed my outlook on life...I want you to know that. I've definitely had an adjustment in how i'm looking at things and nobody needed it more than me.
Wrap yourself in the love of your family and know that you have reached so many of us in a good way. If I can be of any help in any way, please let me know.
I think of you every time I melt wax and always will. I love you girlie...Brenda
Tami, I have known you for many years and I wish I could have came to visit you more offten,I pray that God will keep you for a while longer on this earth.not in pain or discomfort so that you can spend this time with your family.Just know that you are loved very much and will be in our hearts forever.
God Bless
Debbie
Tami: I feel like the Lord is with you. I know it is hard to understand with being in this much pain that he is there but he is. Peace be within your soul and always remember my thoughts and prayers are with you and Norm right now. Hospice is a wonderful group, glad that you chose to use them. they are not only there for you, but the whole family too. Love Barb and Dale
Tami,
You have been such a true inspiration to me. I live my life now being grateful for what I have because we never know what's in store for us. You have dealt with this illness with such grace and strength! For that there are not enough words to thank you!
Thank you for sharing. Peace be with you and your loved ones. =(
-- the lounge queen
Hey norm and tami its shane here. I just found the blog you guys have and was going through it. Im being totally honest when i tell you tears are pouring as i read and write this. I cant stand myself for not being there more for my brother and sister (yes tami you are my sister). for not comming down for not writing or phoning more. You guys mean so much to me and have done so much for me. You both are both so strong so brave so caring and so generous. I am so lucky to have you two in my life. I think of you both every day and wish one day i would wake up and realize this was all just one horrible dream and it will all go away, but its not and it wont. So I guys the best i can do since i physically cant be there is just let you know that you are both always in my thoughts and prayers and to let you both know that I Love You both so very much!
Love always
Shane
You have touched so many people, many of them strangers, through these posts. May God be with you and your family. My prayers are with you.
Wish those of us who've kept up with your cancer battle via your blog could somehow make you feel better. Tami and Norm, you are both such eloquent writers.
My hope is that you let each other know your thoughts and wishes about death, as you have about life. You've loved each other so deeply, and that is evident. Comfort each other now by sharing as much as you can.
Thoughts and prayers are with you both.
Oh Tami -
what to say eludes me ... I found a good friend in you - you will always be in my heart, I think of you each time I light a candle - you made candles a heck of alot more fun!
Blessings -
Nanc
Tami, I have checked your blog every other day since you purchased the bracelet for your daughter.
I feel compelled to say I can not believe the incredible strength and love that I feel, between yourself and Norm when I read your writings, and how unfair it is that you both have to suffer this terrible trial.
But, so many people never get to feel such an all-encompassing true love, and those who love so hard wonder how they might survive such a terrible ordeal? You have both shown how it is to love (through the good and bad) and that you HAVE to survive (emotionally)the best that you can.
I think about you both everyday, and relate my thoughts to my own life, my own husband, my children, and I want to say I am thankful that our paths crossed in such a small manner, because you touched my life in such a huge way.
Thank you Tami, Thank you Norm and God Bless you both.
Tami, I have to tell you how grateful I am that you are a part of my life!!!! You have been such a ray of sunshine to me, and I thank you for that. You have definitely taught me to live life to its fullest!!! I pray for you everyday. I can't imagine that this is easy for you or your family, but you have been so strong through this!!! And I know that you will continue to be as strong as you can be.
Much love,
Brandie
Tami, I have to tell you how grateful I am that you are a part of my life!!!! You have been such a ray of sunshine to me, and I thank you for that. You have definitely taught me to live life to its fullest!!! I pray for you everyday. I can't imagine that this is easy for you or your family, but you have been so strong through this!!! And I know that you will continue to be as strong as you can be.
Much love,
Brandie
My heart breaks for you and I know there are never words sufficient. I wish there were something I could do, so many miles away and only "knowing" you all through the internet.
The Lord bless you, and keep you;
The Lord make His face shine on you,
And be gracious to you;
The Lord lift up His countenance upon you,
And give you peace
Numbers 6:22-27
Helen (aka Pooks)
hey girlie Lizzie here. I hope you had a good night last nite. I am so glad for the times we are together, i am glad i have been with you each week. Yesturday was a good day for us. I am gad you ate good and liked my taco dip Ok Ok I know you liked Janices chocolate pie better. Your smile was bigger eating that than my dip LOL LOL. Did you share it with norm? I justed wanted to say hi to a woman that is so incredibly strong and very unselfish. you are more worried about your family and friends and what this wicked disesa is t han yourself that tami huh. You do have a great husband and I love your sister deb and have only talked to your sister sherry on the phone but i love her too. Take care of yourself rest alot pray alot and the smile i saw afew times yesterday looked reaaly good on ya girl! You are my insperation always know that sweetie.love ya lizzie
Tami,
You don't know me, but I read a post of Kristi's on the CRCConnections webpage. After reading it, I went to your blog and read the whole entire thing. My father was diagnosed with Stage IV colon cancer in July of last summer at the age of 63. We are currently dealing with many of the same issues you are. You are a beautiful woman and your family is wonderful. We are just as lucky as you in that respect. I wish you the peace you so deserve. You have touched me.
Deb M.
Tami,
You probably don't remember me, but I met you at one of your candle parties. Those are some great candles! Anyway, I have been following your blog since you started it. It has really helped me to see your side of everything and to know what that's like for someone going through it. My mom was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in May 2007. She only made it to February of 2008. She did not have a blog, but I know that she probably had many of the same feelings that you have had all along. Please know that I have been praying for you & I think of you often. I always pull up your blog first thing in the morning to "see how Tami's doing." I also just got re-married this past fall and not having my mom there was hard. Your daughter is so blessed to have you and your loviing husband at her wedding. My step-father gave me away (as my father has already passed too), but I know my mom was with me in spirit that day (and is with me everyday). I guess I just want you to know how much you've touched so many people; many that you don't even know. I despise cancer so much...that it took my mom away from me too soon...what it is doing to you & your family, etc. But I have gotten alot closer with God since going through all this with my mom. I go to church every Sunday now & pray to God and feel that I have a relationship with him that I did not have before. I know he is taking good care of my mom now and that she is happy and healthy. I know he will take good care of you too.
God bless you and your family.
Tami - You are so strong. I think of you every day and keep saying little prayers to help you get through the day. Thanks for being my friend - I miss the candle parties - I miss you. Kathy C
WOW...this post made me ball..HARD.
Cancer really REALLY sucks!!!
I have a friend who blogged until her death.
www.apodolske.blogspot.com
thank God for blogs!!
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