Loneliness sucks let me tell you the last few days it has been eating me alive, I had been doing pretty good for awhile now, actually enjoying myself, going out, eating, watching a movie, whatever by myself. Then for whatever reason, about Thursday last week I got hammered, and still trying to pull myself out of this depressed funk, its horrible when it hits, I just want to curl inside up in the fetal position in the corner, or go to sleep and hope I don't wake up. I dread the weekends only to spend the last half of the weekends dreading going to work and the usual grind. I cant even describe what it feels like, and if you know what it feels like I feel bad for you. It's like carrying around a weight all day long, its, well, just horrible.
Even talking about it right now makes me cringe, I can feel it creep up on me even more, the radio will have to go on sleep timer tonight or I will be staring at the ceiling for 2 hours. I stood at Kristi's on the way home tonight just jabbering about nothing just cuz its a distraction, I guess I am missing the mindless conversation you have with someone your close with, and I just have nothing right now to fill that void, I can fill everything else, well almost everything but those nights just talking with Tami, gawd I miss that, I mean yeah I know I can talk right now, but nobody answers, its so frustrating. They need a chat line where I can just have someone ramble on about stuff, everyday stuff and I can just sit there and listen, yeah I know it sounds stupid, but I miss listening.
I guess I will have to settle for the distractions for now, bugging people around me, kicking my ass at the gym, sleeping... I dont know what else to do in these funks... I keep waking up, so not much else I can do.
Doesn't help I came to the realization that the 6 month mark of Tami's passing will also be the 2 year mark of her diagnosis, almost to the day... w.t.f...
Psychic Kids
14 years ago
3 comments:
I hear you Norm, I really hear you. The loneliness can get to you. There are days when I don't say a word to anyone because there is no one here. I work an odd schedule and some days I am home. Alone. And Sunday is always a miserable day. I'm sorry it just is.
By the way there are chat rooms on Yahoo and some people do voice chat (you need a microphone) in those rooms. Granted you will find a lot of nuts but sometimes you find someone who will just talk and you can listen and they aren't nuts lol. I also play Yahoo pool and some word games. It keeps me sane.
Good luck this week - I am rooting for you.
Hugs,
Marie
Norm; are you still going to a support group? we all miss Tami so much and I can't imagine living in your house with all of those memories. don't forget you can always call us to talk. Barb
I know where your comming from. Any break from reality is a good one, wether its a movie or just talking to somebody about meaningless things. I somewhat went through the same kinda thing and still am at times when dealing with jaime's tumor,radiation eye, problems and the slow and often frustrating recovery. even though your Canadian family is thousands of miles away we are at your side through email face book and phones. Any time 24-7 you need or want to talk im here. I promised Tami that. and mom dad and laurie are here to. Need a good laugh? get a hold of Jaime and Have a good Shane roast.
Keep your head up and stick on the ice.
Your Bro
Shane
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