I dont know why, today though just seems like it has been so much longer than 5 months, I cant explain why really, it just does, it seems like a lifetime ago now, other days its like a fresh wound. Days like today I feel like I am farther along than I should be, like I shouldn't be doing so well. I've always been able to adapt to whatever my situation is, but it feels wrong to be adapting so fast to all this. But I am, and I feel a little bad about that. Oh I am still lonely, I miss having Tami here, I mean how do you not after 13+ years, we did almost everything together. Now I am adapting into this single person in the sense that I am ok doin my own thing and not having anyone dependant on what I am doing today.
I know this is what Tami wanted, expected and even groomed me for to a certain extent. The recordings she left say that very thing, but it doesn't feel natural yet it does... I dunno, confused as I am yet. Myabe just keeping myself busy and amuzed is moving things along faster, I dont have time to sit and feel sorry for myself. I've been going to the gym daily, playing hockey where I can, add work and general life and it makes for some busy days.
I know they say there is no one timeline for everyone but I just seem more okay than I should be, weird as that does sound.
Song for the day 3 Doors Down - The Road I'm On
Psychic Kids
14 years ago
5 comments:
you sound like you are having a normal grief period. it is very confusing and scary. going through this with my sister and Dad withing the past 6 years I know what you are feeling. Barb
I think because Tami did "groom" you and she knew she would be leaving you and the hellish time you both spent dealing with the cancer - the time now is in a way a relief. You cherish her memories but life is for the living and I am glad you are able to move through grief to find things in life for yourself. Tami would like that.
Blessings
Nanc
Norm, im doing a memory thing for Tami, but I need to know what type she had. She told me but I forgot.Im sorry for asking in your grieving time but id really like to do this.
Please write back geri gillis/parke from the Dixie
Whatever the reason you're feeling better, I think it's wonderful -- enjoy it and pat yourself on the back. Feeling guilty about it isn't going to do anyone any good, just take away from your pleasure. And I think going to the gym is an excellent idea. You're going to have to post some pictures of your new muscles. :)
That last post should have been signed...
-- the lounge queen
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