Ok, I think maybe I might have mislead or not communicated well enough, imaging that :).
I have alot of good people to talk to, and many many people have made themselves available to me any time I need them, so many in fact I probably have people that think I am avoiding them. Sarah, had been amazing, and I am probably driving her nuts, or at the very least worrying her non stop (I think she is on to me, that I say I am ok no matter what is going on, I am always ok, cuz I don't want to burden anyone else, specially my family). So, its not so much that I don't have people near and dear, its that I dont have that one person. You can talk to a lot of people about alot of things, you can talk to one person about everything, and that person is gone for me. That leaves a huge void in my life, things I would have talked to her about, things I would have asked her opinion on, moments when she would have smacked me upside the head and told me to quit sweating the small stuff. I don't have that anymore. The fact that I found someone like that, based on the odds on how we met make me dizzy just thinking about it. We meshed like a couple puzzle pieces, although sometimes we got put together backwards :).
Next time your spouse goes away for a weekend, or a day, imagine its +5 months and they aren't coming back anytime soon. That's where I am right now, and we are closing in on 6 monts fast. Next weekend is all the August birthdays... its just overwhelming sometimes, and add in drama, frustration, life's general bumps and pot holes, and half the time I think I just wanna go to sleep and wake up from this nightmare. I have to keep reminding me the things that are still good in my life and focus on that. I hope I will be happy again, its just tough to see where to go to get there.
Psychic Kids
14 years ago
2 comments:
Norm: please let your family be your support. That's what family is for. you sound like you are just having a normal grieving time, but let those family and friends be there for you. I know that hole can never be filled but it does get a little easier with time. Barb
I totally understand where you are coming from Norm ... it sucks. After time people go back to their lives - yes they miss Tami and love her, but only you had the day to day relationship with her. No one will ever miss her the way you do - it is just a lousey fact. You will keep on grieving when others have stopped - not because they don't care, because their life has gone back to "normal" ...yours never will - not when it comes to missing Tami. You will have a funk and people can't quite understand why - you know why but telling people you miss Tami ... well they just don't understand.
I wish I could give you an easy answer on when it will all go away and life will be yours again ... all I can say is to hang in there and yes, time makes it easier ... the first year you are always remembering this time last year .... it has been 7 years for me and there is not a day that goes by that Ted is not in my heart or in my mind, but it is easier to live without him, but then again, I have to.
Blessings to you
Nanc
Post a Comment